Dear bubu, how are you...

Dear bubu,

How are you?

Its so hard to pen things down when im facing the computer..

i go blank..

there are so many things I wanna ask you, wanna talk to you about.. ........this and that..

but i know.. that we have our own lives to live now being 7000 miles apart..


was talking with a new friend i made about you last night and he said one thing that made me write this, he ask: if you love him so much, why dont you get him back?

i told him: maybe i dont really love him that much... if i do, maybe i wouldnt have come here..

then he said: well, maybe you do, you must have sacrifice so much coming here..

i think to myself..

if lets say i were to stay back, i will need to start all over again with uni, but of course i will be with you and i wont get into all these troubles over here in UK.... but I put my education before you.....

i know im selfish..

he ask: then why not go back after you finish your studies?

well, the fact that you are with someone else now, going back would be so awkward...... like i can see you but you with someone else..  haha..  well, i know youre happy now and its good..

mutual friends of us that we made along the way as a couple always say that they wanna see us back together again.. but like, of course they would want that cos thats how they get to know us, as a couple but.. haha..

hm..

i die die also have to finish my studies and finish my one year of housemanship thing here.. cos with that i could practically work anywhere and not just stuck in malaysia, not to say malaysia is not good or what but like at least i open up my options and stuffs..

it would put you into an awkward position as well if i were to come back, i can totally imagine you(i dowana be perasan but i think i am in position to say that) knowing that im back, you would wanna come see me but you will have to introduce me to your other half and the whole awkward moment will surface and all.. and you will be tormented with decisions and .. i know youre stressed with lots of problems now and that will just add more to it aint it.. haha.. ok la.. i damn perasan for a moment there but whatever.. haha....ahahahahhaha....



just the thought of, me being there... with you... with your family, having dinner... playing with your brothers, kacauing them, your dad kacauing me with his sarcasm and his jokes.. and your mum being mum.. haha.. .....going for family outings, meeting the extended family...

i miss you so much..

i feel like im so part of your life, your family, your everything and now everything is gone...

everything that i build myself upon you for 21 months is all gone now..


i miss driving to your house..

i miss going into your room...

i miss being caught by your mum for our mischievous acts...

i miss your dad's lame remarks and how he kenakan me in front of me...

i miss how you give me your ice cream and eat my bottom half of the cone..

i miss going to concerts and plays with you..

i miss us getting caught by police for our adventurous scene..

i miss going clubs with you(although i always ditch you and dance like a slut around the dancefloor)..

i miss going mamak with you at 3 in the morning..

i miss driving you around...

i miss teasing you saying that you suck as singing whenever a song plays on the radio and you go on with your rapid forceful vibrato.. haha..

i miss you giving me remains of chicken bones to fulfill my food desires..

i miss your failed surprises... i miss all the moments when i caught you offguard of your process of surprise..

i miss holding your hands...

i miss how you comb my hair when i lie on your lap...

i miss everything about you..



one year being here without you is really different..

i cant just take for granted that someone will be there for me when im in trouble cos there isnt anyone here...

yes i miss being in a relationship..

but i miss you more than anything...

i never teared for anyone before and youre the first...

people always thought that youre the sentimental one but now they all changed their opinions..

i never thought that i will act this way after coming here..

i guess distance brings out different parts of me..


sometimes i really wanna whatsapp you and all, but like im afraid that he will be by your side reading what i write and all.. not like its anything mushy or what but like.. its just weird.. so i end up deleting what i wanted to write altogether..


some friends told me that they are losing you, like youre getting further from them day by day... i dont blame you, they wouldnt understand what you went thru... everytime you see them, it would remind you of me aint it...

just like when i go out with jason, i would always think of you...

seeing any mutual friends would definitely bring me memories of you...

yes time changes everything, but .... it will take some time...

then the friend said: he must find it hard to cope... do you think he is happy with his new bf?


are you?


i dont know what im feeling now...

sometimes im really curious what are you thinking.. and how do you feel and all..

but i think its best not to know, cos maybe i might regret knowing it later...

curiosity kills huh...




bubu...

how are you?


)(*&^%$ECHJ^&($)&%(*^)(_&??>?>":}{P&%)* fucked up feeling go away thanks..