double identity...

well i think the title says it all..

like me when im tuls, i can be who i wanna be write what i wanna write and dont care about the consequences.. yea i receive hate mails and what not but so what?!?!? it doesnt affect my real life as long as the two doesnt collide.. when im the real me, im more reserved, more controlled, more straight?!?!? lol!!!!!!! nah......... . Unlesss im around my close friends then im all kegilaan terkeluar.. if not im just normal i guess..

most of the bloggers here live a double life.. who doesnt?!?! even if youre not a blogger, you tend to have two different sides of you..

if youre gay, you tend to act differently with the gay crowd and the straight crowd..

if youre normal, you will tend to act differently when youre with your friends and when youre with your bf/gf whateverF.. ok.. erm... okok that makes gays have triple identity then(LOLLLL)..

for eg.. a guy can be oh so tough and hot and sexy but when he is with his gf he loses all of it and become a puny soft loser... haha.. ive seen it myself.. its super LOL..

anyway..

the thing is its OK to have 2 different you..

i mean as long as you know your boudaries and know what youre doing and dont get caught like jekyll and hyde and explode in the end or something..

......

so ancients ago i met this so called straight blogger online who i then somehow linked him to his gay blog kinda thing(seriously dont ask me who.. hush hush).. to cut things short, he freaked out, blocked me, and destroyed all evidence that i saw.. thing is he is not very good in hiding his identity in the first place..

but well, you dont have to block me right??!?! like its not like im gonna tell the whole world OH, HE IS GAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! like... he is gay? so what??!

but anyway.. whats done is done.. i dont really care much.. once awhile i will pop into his straight world blog and see what he is doing..

haha...

whatever la..

but its rather awkward after that... the blogs that he frequents, the ones that he comments, i wont really comment in them.. the sight of his name is like a repellent to me.. i just wanna like click close tab kinda thing.. whenever he is there, i wont be and whenever im there, i dont think he will be there kinda thing..

well im not sure whether he knows that im gay or not, but would it make a difference if he were to know!?!?

hm...

i wonder...

anyways.....

if you plan to come out, start a blog, and write stuffs.. just be prepared to be talked about, to be shown to others eg FB profiles, to be badmouthed.. blah blah blah..

if youre not ready to handle those kinda stress then stay at home and dont appear..

like seriously..

you might know who im talking about, you might not know.. you might think its you.. but the person im writing about, i dont think he reads my blog anyway..

whatever it is, youre not alone.. and chill la.. im harmless :)

the fact that im writing this thing out is that i dont know what is he thinking... i need closure... he just shut me off just like that and im out of the picture without knowing the reason behind it...

is he afraid??!?! was he shocked??!? confused??!?! closeted!?! hm....

right...

xoxo

tuls