i still miss you....

people say that im still hanging on to the past..

am i?

hm....

its not something that anyone could fully comprehend, not even me...

if we were to treasure each other that much, we would make it no matter what the distance right?

why did i let you go? why did i let myself go..

i wasnt 100% honest to you or to myself..

i guess us humans are selfish..

i am selfish...

the fact that we didnt really break up break up,,, seems like im living a dream and when this dream ends i will wake up and youre here again...

but for now, its a nightmare..




when can i wake up??


when will i see you again??





missing you is something i cannot deny..

as much as i think i found happiness and i know that you do too but its feels like we are lying to ourselves and that finding temporary happiness with what we have now is just to console ourselves.. maybe not for you but i feel like i am..

dont worry, im perfectly fine, before you jump into conclusion that im crazy or being a lunatic..

i seldom think so much..

its way pass my bedtime..




tonight, the feeling just..... well, its just overwhelming...


partially its because of this song thats playing..

i remember this song, where you dedicated it in a video you made for us, collages of pictures of us all into one..

it was once on your blog and then now its all gone...

i dont have the copy of that video but the essence and each picture is still vividly playing in my memory..

i miss you a lot you silly..

writing this makes me feel like im cheating on keith.. bless him, he is really a nice guy, loving caring and all.. hm... but its just different...
you and me, its just different, it just feels right...

haha.. i feel like some lame sad bitch writing this down..



how are you, sometimes i wonder..

i want to text you but, hm, you're with someone else now, and i dont want to be the clingy ex that keep messaging...

i think for the past 2 years, weve only exchange text on our birthdays..

....

sometimes i really wonder what is going on with your life right now...

....

i know im not part of it right now anymore, i mean, its been two years since we last met and decently spoken to..



its like we kinda fall out of each other's life..

thinking of what would happen if i didnt leave to study here in the UK doesnt make things any better..

i still remember lying on your legs with your fingers going thru my hair and me just looking up to you..

i miss that a lot ..

i miss you a lot...



well, back to work tomorrow... i need some catching up with sleep...

i am still me..

remember the note i left inside you twenty second birthday present..... well, i meant every word..

love,
me

no sex threats...

today morning surprisingly when i woke up from bed, there he is, standing there with breakfast... :) well, its not something special but well, its nice to eat something that you dont need to make it yourself..  even though its just coffee and toastANYWAY.........

WOW, breakfast!!! i havent even ask and you made breakfast!! awww.....

what do you mean!!!

:) that a first!!

and so we ate while watching ugly betty thats on tv.. although i think we watched that a million times.. lol..

once finished entah mengapa Keith has a hard on..

what are you doing? what is that?!?!?

well, i cant help it!!!

no, im not ready!!!

what do you mean youre not ready?!?!?! you fart-ed all night long, it must be empty for all those air to come out 

-.-

well, ok, only if you wash all these(pointing to the plates and cups used for breakfast)

what do you mean?!??!

well, no sex then....

you know i dont do domestic housework!! 

-.- no sex for a month!!!

HUH!!??!?! awww man... jeez youre cruel!!!

-.- no sex for a year, bye!!!


i think im old liao.. haih... time passes so quickly.. ive been here for 2 years already... so much had happened.. it would be our 55th month together if bubu and I were still together.. haha..

and yes, i still do miss him..

thoughts just come and go, its not something i can control..

haha..

anyway, summer is coming to an end!! yes!!! i cant wait for winter to come!!! God bless america!!

tumblr....

working had been really busy and i think im using it as an excuse to not blog, haha, reality is that working life is so boring in a way, well, it kinda occupied most of my weekdays -.-

anywayyyyyyy....

ive got a tumblr thingy now, posting guys when i travel to work which is very very very difficult to snap cos sometimes its very very crowded! lol..

so, check it out la, for now its a daily thing, hopefully it wont be a weekly thing, lol...

iwasaslut.tumblr.com

and like its still very new, haha, will redecorate skit soon.. lol.. cant wait for weekend to come,...

im so so so tired....