t u l s

t u l s

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Xmas!

just came back from work!

got a few pounds tip from customers... well, made my night..

im really tired like working most of the nights this week, yea.... i love to complain.. thats what i do best! complain complain complain!!

anyway... tomorrow will be an awesome day cos i'll be having a feast at home with 7 others! :) Roast turkey, Salmon shit and all that BensJerry Ice cream.. lol... i need a well deserved rest(not like i havent had enough from last week lol)

Keith is going to his parent's place for Xmas and New Year so we'll be doing it separately...

anyway, to those who celebrate and doesnt, merry xmas!! i celebrate one, but i've got no religion wor, does that make sense? yes it does!!!! to me la. lolllllllllllllllllll

Saturday, December 22, 2012

if the world ended yesterday...

just want you to know, you were and will always be in my heart...

if only we were not seperated b :(       i love you, always....

Monday, December 17, 2012

housewife for a week..

the title says it all, im staying at his place for a whole week this week! :)

housewife or not, i dont think im able to do much to this bachelor's place cos its the messiest house you can ever imagine and it would take a lot of time and effort to fix the whole shit and I dont think i can do everything this week..

dah la im sick :(

sore throat, fever and headache.. typical cold symptoms.. and its the first in my 16 months life here in the UK..

saturday was great, we went to chinatown and bought about 50 pounds of raw materials to cook for the whole week..

i made him carrot mushroom omelet, steam kailan with oyster sauce and fried garlic, and grilled mackerel for dinner.. of course being a cina, serve with rice..

haha.. before i wanna take a picture of what i made he already started eating liao most of it omgosh..

lol... so no pic la.. and he kept thanking me after that for the meal.. lol.. as though its like a big deal like that.. but like maybe its a big deal for him since he never cooks.. lol..

tonight i made him special fried rice with char siew, chicken and prawns and also spinach anchovies soup! lol...



have to forgive the simplicity of the meal cos im sick! :) haha...

im so tired..

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

wasted my time..

i work as an interpreter on an ad hoc basis..

i travelled all the way to the appointed location only to find that there was no appointment made at all by the client with the surgery..

wasted my time nia! niama!

cant wait for the weekend to come! im meeting Keith this Friday and for the very first time we are going out on a date! :)

the encounters before this all took place at his rumah.. so not counted la.. hahahaha...

he is quite excited about it.. and me, of course needless to say, my heart bip bop bip bop.. !!!

all thats left to do now is to finish my sohai report tonight and i'll be free!


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

big palms on me...

i got personal masseur! :)

hehe..

his name is KEITH! lollll...

i always give people massages, grandma la, aunty la, mother la, brother, workmates, friends la etc and its really nice to be massaged cos you can see on their faces how much they enjoyed..

now, i get to experience that like! NAKED! loll.. hahahaha...

his palm is twice of mine and like when he pushes from my butt up all the way to my neck with those big firm palms with the help of johnson's baby oil omgucci the feeling is better than sex!

he is now in London working and will only be back during the weekend..

i still have reports to habis! so ngam la, at least both of us are occupied... :( cant wait for the weekend to come as i plan to make us homemade dinner! hehe.. he loves to eat and loves food and so far i havent detect anything that he doesnt like yet through thorough screening interrogation! lol...

his place is like the typical bachelor punye rumah, the kitchen was a mess but after having the housewife tuls in for a day, hehe, sudah clean and tidy jadiknyer at a glance.. lol.. but more to arrange inside the cupboards etc.. and more raw material to get cos he is kinda surviving on can food and pasta thingy and sauce(vomit)... lol .. i aint pasta person sorry... i tong nasi ok! lol..

so this weekend, hm... i will make us... erm..... hot bean tofu with mince pork, steam pak choi with oyster sauce and fried garlic, and... erm... king prawn omelet with cheese! :) hehe.. ok la.. settle!! lol..

hopefully jadi la.. or maybe i'll think of other stuffs to cook! :) im good at cooking so many things *flips hair*...


Saturday, December 8, 2012

home sweet second home..

so here i am, sitting in front of the fireplace, well its his fireplace i mean.. he made it himself, the heating and all, people engineer ma, the house water piping and the heating all he did it himself! :) impressive!!

have to put in coal daily, i'll die of lung cancer in the future! lol.. hahahaha...

it warms up the whole house like, no need to have sex also feel warm.. just imagine if have sex, omgosh.. sure rain(sweat) one..

its 2 in the afternoon, im sitting here in his long L shaped cushion couch thingy, taking a break from my report writing this while sipping cranberry juice and munching on spicy chicken wings..

he is just sitted beside not too far away doing his report..


those big blue-ish grey-ish eyes are so beautiful!!

i came straight here after work yesterday and we cuddled all the way through the night last night and i think i'll be staying over tonight as well.. :) its so nice to cuddle in this weather of almost 0 degrees, at least i wont sweat that much! :)

i can feel that it would be a new routine for me, to come here every week! :)

he was so cheeky few days back: so, when are you moving in?

er..... well, maybe when i start working?

oh..

why? when do you want me to move in?

this weekend?

lollll......

haha.. then i kinda change the topic and he realize and then he said well, im not gonna ask you about that anymore, just move in whenever you like.. :)

i think its like cos he has nothing to lose, well, he has got his own place, job, car etc and just missing someone to settle down with...

but like.. haha.. well... its really flattering for me that he wants me to move in with him so fast but like.. haha.. i dont know.. lol... i have one set of toiletries in his bathroom already now.. haha.. guess i'll move in sikit by sikit every week.. lol..

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

how Keith came into picture..

so, as usual, have to come up with a name for this new character in this blog, erm.... lets call him Keith.

so i met him over Scruff, lol, i have scruff only for over a week and then it decided to die on me but just within that week i was able to chat with a few dudes and one of them was Keith..

it was really lucky that we did exchange numbers just before that app died, and also quite lucky la cos he was only on that app and not the rest.. lol..

so we went out for a date one fine day in September, from him picking me up from uni, then for lunch then back to his place just for a "cuddle" end up having a sexsion(sex session)..

well it was the best hug ever cos he was taller than me, bigger than me.. he could just engulf me and it felt nice la.. now i know how other guys i hug feels, cos im usually the bigger one! :) lol...

he gives the nicest hug so far! :)

so...

we went out for another few sexsion after that usually on weekends usually on every other week..

so one day in October he said something like: Tuls, you're really lovely and I like you a lot.. but youre just too young for me.. (dont ask me his age, i wont reveal, not as old as your dad, but not as young as your brother)

so since then i didnt really put much hope in it la knowing that it will lead to no where...

i went back for the sexsions is cos the hugs are so solid and ok la, something else also solid la period.. lets not go in further.. lol

so one day he had to go to Wales to work for 2 weeks and ok lor, so i told him, text me when youre back la..

then two weeks was up and i texted him on the day he supposed to be back: home? ok la feel like i gatal la but just anggap that I'm just being a concern person ok... lol..

he replied only after a week which was last friday and it was like 6 in the morning and i was like: hey youre back... and so i was asking him by text if he would wanna meet and i know that his works ends at 2 on fridays so i push friday's schedule all to this wednesday(lol like some big shot like that can push push stuff one) and so we agreed to meet after work..

i went to his place and he gave me the same strong hug again.. and this time he lifted me up... haha..

i was really amazed cos no one can carry me like! lol... mind you i am 70kgs! lol...

the first thing i asked him when i saw him was: did you receive my message last week?

yea..

but why didnt you reply? omgosh, youre avoiding me!!!!!

erm.. well... yea.. kind of, i try to forget about you but it seems impossible..

haha.. lol that instant i was like in my mind: really or not? but anyway pun make me happy nia... lol...

we cuddle the whole afternoon watching x-men 3 and crocodile dundee lol... then dinner then sexsion and then more cuddling.. lol...

and then at around near midnight.. we were just chatting normal and then suddenly the relationship topic came up... and somehow this took place..

well, i would like a relationship. i like you very much. thought of ending it rather than to think of you all the time..

but.... but... im too young for you! you sure?

he smiled and then say: yea.. and then he asked the would you wanna be my boyfriend question..

and i was like omgosh blush lol... it was in front of his fireplace, was warm and like i dont know how to react and just *nodded* and *smiled* ... lol...

and thats how it all started...

:)


Sunday, December 2, 2012

finally, im not single anymore..

well, the finally took quite awhile kan?

been single for about 15 months now, not to say im loving it but not to say i dont enjoy singlehood.. haha..

to those who are still on team bubu, just know that we are still tight, as friends that is.. well, as corny as it seems but he will always be a part of me, deep down, or in my brain or wherever.. :)

well, will update about it soon but now im really squeezing through datelines and reports and stuffs as the first school term is coming to an end..

catch you later bloggie!

muacks!!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

the blondest thing i heard today...

i think you will jump off the building if you heard this as well..

so this blonde girl in my class was discussing some questions from the problem based learning seminar and suddenly blurt out..

hm... whats 15% of 100...

i didnt say anything but in my brain it was a ==================.===================== moment..

i feel like dying..

seconds after that one of her friends look at her and like shook her head, its 15!!!!

then both of them laugh...

omgosh...

shoot me please thanks!!!

durham is lovely la... remember this place? its where harry potter free his owl during winter and where he fought with his wand against malfoy...

Thursday, November 15, 2012

ffk-ed...

just when you thought everything is working out fine, but when it comes to the real date, your date doesnt show up..

well that happened to me 2 days ago, i was supposed to go out for a dinner date with this dude but he never showed up..

well there are a lot of reasons why this happen and i keep coming up with excuses and all but i know, that things were never easy here anyway.. especially if youre dark asian and taller than the ang mos and bottom and too smart and too picky and too slutty and might need to leave the country if there are no jobs available for me..

yea when i told people about this and they will go: oh, its his loss or go like he is not worth your time or like you deserve better..

but like although its true to all those and its nice hearing things like that but deep down sometimes you really wonder why and when there is no explanation for this like in this case he just disappear without any notice and no contacts after that just irks me making me curious of why , like whats the reason behind..

so..

the thing is cos like i think i found like a good potential target kinda thing and i wont really wanna give up so easily despite people keep telling me to find other ones..

haha...

not easy to find someone whom you can talk to over a chat app for 7 hours straight and like there are so many common areas and interesting sexciting to discover between 2 souls and ... like..

i really need to know.. lol..

so you better come online fast and talk to me por favor........

messy buku! :)


Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Dear tuls...

What should I do when my ex is my friend's sex buddy and they had been having it almost on a daily basis for the past months..? All three of us are staying together. My friend is in denial about his sexuality and is dating a girl at the same time. I feel like helping him to know what he wants as he is a good friend of mine.

=.-

plain disgusting.
Is your contract gonna end? If yes then tahan for awhile more then move out la omgosh. If not then try to move out la.

these kinda of friend no need to help one, cos if he wants help or need help just to kill the curiousity he would have just have sex with your ex once, and know whether he likes it or not, but since now he is over that period and keep doing it basically he is addicted lor... and .... enjoying it lor.. without concerning other peoples feelings which is not a good character lor...

and that is not call friend. that is call cibaimotherfuckersohaimahaichaocibaiassholelanjiaokukupukikunjislutwhore!

nah, learn this word, logest combo ever.

your ex is not seng mok! he is such a slut!! no respect one, ok la, give him benefit of horniness, and for the convenience sake la, but still... oh my gosh...

its so SLUTTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

both of them is registered edi, down there.. dont worry la k.. their good bad weighing scale already rosak and cannot balance balik liao dont worry.. sure go down there one..

urgh...

ok la, what if they really like each other and be together, still!! omgosh!! the number rule is not to date your best friend's ex! got watch mean girls ma? urghhhhhhh!!!

worse than animal...

you can befriend animals like pets etc but if its worse than animal then just forget about it k.. waste energy nia..

ok.. i feel bad la cos i say your ex like that but like oh my gosh... from a third person point of view this is like omg!!!! i feel like strangling something!!! lol

and another thing is, have you move on ma? dont think its so easy since you guys stayed together.. hm... well... then... well its gonna be easier to say than to do it but, try finding someone new, it will be easier to move on, make sure he is your type ok, at least if its rebound, in the long run can become unrebounded one! :)

*exhale deeply*

ok. im fine liao! lollllllll


Saturday, November 10, 2012

thoughts on some blog post by Mr Undernourished...

copied and pasted from (click on the title below) and added my own comment in it la in PINK.. muahahahaha...

Soft Gays and Masculine Guys

     I have been wondering can a gay like me find a lover who is manly/masculine?duh!!! Or are we gays just limited in the circle of soft guys? =.= youre stereotyping la kawan, where are you now arr? in Singapore or in Malaysia? i memang dont really know! haha.... I don't know. I am quite new in this circle of people. Through FB, I got to know some of my old friends are gay, based on their likes, subscriptions and mutual friends very common la, thats how i detect other gays too, by using high profile gay friends on fb!! hahahaha.... Sadly, they are all soft guys (I am NOT AGAINST them, just not sexually attracted).
     I do not have Grindr (no money to buy smartphome) nor an account at gay social networking website. I only read gay blogs(Y). I do have an account at TT1069 but is just an observer there. I din not make any friends there. 
    I am sexually attracted to guys but only the ones who are more masculine in nature, Not necessarily body but the look, character, etc. 
 
*Guys who are indecisiveme,, reservedme in certain ways, "bookworm", homelyme at times, gentle(talk softly), obedientto my boyfriend (cincai in a way  girls take advantage), over tolerantme (cincai again), over friendlyme, funnyme (talk lame jokes), smile too oftenme put me off.=.= 70% describe me le i put you off arr? nia**! hahahahaha... I don't know why, just simply not attracted to them (Proof = No excited Heartbeat). -----------I met quite a number of them during university years and stayed with them for years some more, really sad and suffocating.... =.= youre such a byatch! hahahaha... you cant just suffocate just because they are born that way!! reason not valid!!!! *SLAP*
*I like guys who are more out going, open minded, smart, aggressive, independent, out-spoken, brave, decisive, gentle (only to me) and also protective (only to me) (heart beats very fast!!!)
They can really bring me the sense of security and reliability. I just can't explain the feelings.. I am such a nerd. I also like them to dominate me on bed.. Hahaha... guys like that doesnt exist anymore, if they do, surely taken one.. so just give up hope la... and when you find someone 50% that matches your criteria just take it k, the other 50% of his flaws you will have to learn how to accept them, it might decrease after awhile cos they will upgrade themselves sometimes.. flaws make them human, no one is perfect ok brother..

and the dominate me on bed part is sososososo BOTTOM!! like me! muahahahahahaha *high 5* is damn syok one ok!! you will experience it soon, i can feel!, maybe la maybe.. hahahahaha :)
Strangely, I do not find Wang Lee Hom that attractive good, dont have to compete with me, less one competition the better, but i heard he is bottom wor, how arr.. i want leh... :( but cannot... oh well..... Although handsome yes, he is too artisticis that a problem?=.=, emo (love songs) and not the manly type I like (personal opinion k!!! :p i die die also wanna kutuk!!!)
    I did meet str8 guys(although not really handsome and not all the qualities I mentioned) like this in my life but they are of a different race (DON'T WANT MENTION WHAT RACE HERE, DON'T WANT TO INCITE RACISM). They really make good friends. They were concerned about me, asked about my results and offered help when necessary. They touched me (as a greeting) and  I touched them back=.= sounds damn wrong. They share their life with me, porn (although str8) and treated me to meals. I would treat them back. When I said I did not want to get married, they were concerned and asked a lot about the reason. They said would help if I had any problems. I did not tell them though I am gay. We shared same drinks and food. I felt so close to be with them. When I was  in trouble, they would offer a lending hand, praise me when I have done something well. My confidence level was increased after knowing them. I soon became quite good at presentation. 
They are so sweet and a gave me a sense of bond and belonging!! 
 
I never had any sexual thoughts towards them. I just wonder can I meet a prince like that to be my lover or...... if that is too much.a request.. just  a part time lover? And.. can that person be a Chinese?? I never met a Chinese guy like this.. I do not have that luck..not about luck la, more like youre still a student, wait, how young are you arr? if youre a student of course la, you havent go out to the working world yet, so many fishes out there ok!! sure got chinese like that one, in the streets everywhere, omgosh, just open your eyes, :) next time when legal liao(or maybe sudah) then go clubs and stuffs, go for functions and musical plays, they are everywhere!! and no need to be chinese one, so picky, youre narrowing your options down liao, other races are quite good also as long as they have the qualities, why not? sleep on it ok! :)
     I think soft guys (moderate or severe) like me will not be liked by masculine guys=.= youre assuming, which is wrong! never assume stuffs, you need evidence to prove that ok! those who think that way are quite shallow, very superficial!! :p. This is just a fantasy and a wishful thought... That is why I am writing here to release stress, Or at least, can I have a chance to make friends with them to understand them better?? I have no any bad intention, just want to understand their sexual feelings,..... I am a guy who does not understand guy (handsome and masculine ones), I am curious... slowly la, can feel that youre still young, at heart at least.. hahahaahha...
 < This guy with his standing hair is so smart looking omgosh the background really =.= both not my type..
 
Wow, he is really not "gentle" in his eyes..He means business.. I like it. > i no like the colour combination, next!!















  < Not too big, not too small. Toned and muscular. Can you hug me???

crying tits!! ooooooo... *lick lick*






Mr policemen on the right, can you protect me forever? > looks like a nerdy aaron kwok!! :)
















 
< Again! this is the body I would like to lean on.. Not too big nor small. 
lean only? i can jump on it and beg him to rape me lor if im single! hahahahahaha... im such a TULS!!!
    
     
      If I could choose, I would really want to be a real guy or a gal, not somewhere in between because society has no place for them (in this case, me). Been feeling out of place and my confidence and sense of well being has been shattered. I feel lifeless. awwwww..... bless ya! well, baby you are born this way, so just accept it la, you dont have to change yourself for anyone ok.. no such thing as no place for people like you ok, never think that, and always remember that you are not alone! all you need to do now is pick the shattered pieces up, place them back, frame it up, although you have crack lines all over, each one of it is a lesson learned, once you have that beautiful frame holding all the pieces together, you then could proudly hang it up and display for everyone to see.. those who knows how to appreciate real art, would buy that piece, and that would be your future boyfriend, so hold on to that thought ok! always think positive and hold on to something, a hope for your future! and dont regret anything you did, always think forward!! *hugs* the gay community will always be there for you! well at least, in this sense, the gay blog community will! right??!?  :)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

unnecessary stress..

so, my dad prepared the money already..  enough to last me till i graduate and then i'll be on my own.. i was anxiously waiting for the money to come so that i could pay the debt i owed my friends.. but .... guess what..

my dad went missing..

just when i thought that he could at least do something good..

its been 11 years already.. all the broken promises...

i should have known better...

with only 50 pounds left in my bank account, i will need it to squeeze through this winter... mum is really stressed up right now.. she must be feeling really afraid for me.. plus the connection got cut off from home, she can only leave me offline messages when she is at work, she is trying her part to get hold some money....

im speechless..

i give up...

now this unnecessary stress..

i know lots of you out there are willing to help, thanks so much, but.. im feeling really shameless to ask... im still surviving for now.. i will survive...... but.. haha... will just see how long can i last....

:1


Monday, November 5, 2012

halloween sex part 3...

he came in, took off his shoes, kissing every step of the way, once entered my room, he undressed, and so did i... ...................and so he jump straight into bed.. and i followed..

the end.






























































ok la...

note to self, dont delay post.. see now want to write have to remember every detail balik...

erm..

after that we talked a bit.. here and there... and cos he is bigger in size than me he hugged me like bear hug kinda thing..

jeng jeng jeng..

so comfy la..

i can feel his dick started to erect liao.. hihi.. so cute..

mine was erected long time when his hand are around my chest when he hugged me from behind.. lol..

because he virgin ma.. i dont think he knows what to do or is quite nervous about what to do..

and well, since he is here only to SLEEP, i didnt really bother anyway..

but cos i can feel his ding dong around my cibai pushing and i think he might be ready for it and so i asked:

you sure you wanna do this?

why not..

cos youre a virgin..

so?

you have to give it to someone special like, you dont just do it with anybody...

well i like you..

oh my .... so what? like doesnt mean anything.. and i met you only once...

he got up, spread my legs and dive deep into my ass and that was like the second best rim in my life.. i let him do his thang for a couple of minutes then when i cannot tahan already I went on top of him, and tease his dick with my ass..

i position his dick head at my asshole and just squeeze my ass to let him feel the pressure..

i went on teasing his dick head with my butt cheeks, cos its kinda thick, i kepit his dick with my butt cheeks and just massage and wiggle...

he was so hard already..

i quickly took out a helmet, put it on for him, and coat it with jelly! :)

with me still on top of him, the use his dick to tease my hole to make it as relax as possible and i can see that he is fully feeling it by the sohai face he is putting on.. i grab his lower jaw with my hands, i look him in the eye and i push his dick into me.. can see his eyes like wanna pop out liao..

then i slowly ride him.. such a virgin face la.. although i cant really know whether he virgin or not, got characteristics of one.. lollll... like so noob like that..

i did most of every position  that i know that he could perform, except for the one that he carries me and fuck me on air, maybe cos of my height and weight, i dont think anyone could do that to me.. hm.... and he still didnt cum... i added more coating and my hole like cold cold like that make it squeeze tighter and i was like lollll..

till one point when i was still in him and i think im gonna cum cos damn syok he said: shoot it in my mouth..

i was like: are you serious?

why not? come on...

and so i aimed at his mouth but it shoot till his eyes and it deflected to my wall and i was like SHIT! and then the consecutive ejaculations all entered his mouth and believe it or not he swallowed and i was like omgosh.........................

it was disgusting yet fulfilling at the same time... cos i will never telan a stranger's cum...

surprisingly after i cum mine was still hard and i was like ok.. i thought my desire would die off but its still so much alive and i kept going, taking charge of the pace, and i keep asking him, is it good? is it good? every yes or uh huh he says made me slam my ass harder on his dick..

when he says he is about to come, he say: can i shoot it all over you? i was like thinking.. ok la.. return a favour la.... then he took it out, it was surprisingly clean with no residue and he came on my cheeks... not explosive, means he no skill... hahahahaha.. but it was easy to clean up... cos i got baby wipes in my room i even clean his dick for him and he said: thats my boy... i taught you right... -.-

after that i chase him home told him to join his friends and go back the same night..



i never heard from him again.. :)

and i wiped my wall 4 times before all the cum stains are out... =.-

Friday, November 2, 2012

halloween sex part 2...

(him)i like kissing you alot..

(me)haha.. youre kissing me now just because there isnt anyone around right? *sarcastic*

no... i just like kissing ya...

*grab my hands*

see, im holding your hands in public...

well, it feels really nice la for someone to hold my hand and walk in the streets and i could be exposed anytime omgosh cos basically we are walking in a student neighbourhood...

then suddenly a guy walk out from the house and he threw my hands away..

that instant i laugh out loud like crazy!! hahahahaah.....

he is such an idiot..

and basically he kisses me every 5 steps or something like omgosh wth...

are you drunk?

no im not.... well... not yet...

=.=

then more kissing...

omgosh i think i wanna piss...

right.... just piss by the road side then...

no! i have respect for the roads!!! *took out dick and pee*

==.== seriously?

yea, help me look around see anyone is looking...

er...

or you wanna look at my willy?

=.-

come on... look at it...

-.=

you like it?

'=.='

lets go idiot...

you like it? or not?

i walk away edi... too much.. lol...as i was walking away.... he hugged me from behind...

the feeling was nice la but... OMGOSH! GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF ME!!!

hahahahahaahaha...

are we there yet?

no =.=

why is your house so far away!!??

because someone wants to use the long cut!

then as we were 300 meters from my house he got a text from his friends saying they are taking the cab home at half 3... and so he ask me..

will your friend be angrier if i stayed the night or if i were to come and leave at half 3?

=.= is that even a question? i told them already.. no biggie.. you could stay..

but which will piss them off more?

omgosh.. they wont...

once we reach the front of my house he kissed me for a whole 5 seconds and i pushed him away!

are you crazy?! this is my street! omgosh!! there are 10 other houses full of students which are my friends!!!

haha....

:)
then we entered my house... :)

to be continued...

Thursday, November 1, 2012

halloween sex part 1...

so this conversation taken place last night between the young virgin boy and I..


(him)heya, im going to town now..


(me)oh.. ok..


are you at town?


no...


well, if im stuck, would you let me stay over at your place?


err... i dont think so... 


why not?


well, ive got an early class, and if my housemates find out, they wont like it..


its your room!!? why not ?? im just gonna sleep and thats it..


its the house rules.. i hope you understand...


i dont!!!


hey, dont be so stubborn... just go home with your friends alright!


they always leave me, they wont even notice if im not around...


dont be silly, i'll see you some other day ok!


if you want me, you would let me stay...

that time i really =.= edi...

want you or not, its not gonna happen tonight...

:(

id understand if you hate me after this..

:(

then... haih.. i did the silliest thing, i went and tell my housemates that my friend is drunk and couldnt drive home and that he will be crashing my room and they all are cool about it... and then after that..

hey, come over then...

!!ok!!! i'll see you at 2! it was 11.45 then... 

no, come now if not im gonna sleep already!!

ok, ill see you at 1!!

no, come now!!  

i need some time to loose my friends... can you meet me at the car park near the bus station?

omgosh some more need me to walk him home,,

ok, i'll come now!!

no no no.... ok give me 30 mins...

so i changed and went out, it was 5 degrees, so cold la omgosh.. and the opposite direction everyone was dressed as ghost shit and what not and im like so formal bitch with my coat and stuffs..

i reach the car park and i waited for 15 mins before he came.. when he reach me he straight away walk towards a backlane near the car park and then i followed and i was like

my house is the other way....

cant we use this way?(pointing the other direction)

yea but it will take a longer time to reach..

yea, we will do that...

ok then...

after walking for 5 steps he pushed me towards the wall and kissed me...

to be continued...

im super tired... its 3.44 in the morning...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

??dating a younger guy be good for me? lolll

ok, even typing that line makes me feel old..

well, i can just imagine in 10 years time, if im still single(CHOYYYYYYYYYY), I'll be like some dirty uncle like that going for younger guys... no no no ! tidakkkkkkkkkk!! hahahaha...

so, this boy that i kissed, well..

so funny la... i was being all "friend zone" with him and like i think he cannot tahan edi and so he sent me this..

i'll be honest with you. cos im not the type of guy to lie, especially to the people i like :) (you) I'm not out to anyone! i dont want to come out! therefore it would be hard for me to have a relationship! if i got with you how could i explain to my friends how we became "friends". i would love to give it a try but it would be hard to be with you then if i was seen with you when i was out by friends and will act like i dont know you. im in a hard place right now. do you understand my problem

lol..

thats what he say la..

that boy... lol... is memang friend zone one la.. no hope! lol..

well he is a virgin(benefit of doubt la ok), so basically he would be curious and exploration capacity is really huge.. people like him with so much hidden inner energy that is ready to explode cant really be tied down one, in my opinion one la.. cos if no control, can easily sway off course..

well, im also still young la... *flips hair*... maybe i should direct those words to myself jugak... LOLLLLLL!! if only i was a virgin.. hahahahaha...

anyway, i explain the whole moral of the story thing to him and friend zone him for now lor.. hehe.. but we constantly message each other la.. so.. yalor.. haha..

Monday, October 29, 2012

i kissed a boy... and i liked it? lol

well, he is 2 years younger, coincidentally driving pass my area and asked whether i wanna chat..

me after work, i showered and ready to sleep so i thought, why not kan.. haha..

so he drove to my doorstep and i went into his car and just chatted for half an hour..

it was a good chat... so before i left his car, he was like took his hand out and indicated a hand shake and i was like the v.- expression like wHHat..... kinda thing and then shook his hand and then he was like..

or you want a kiss instead?

errr.....

and so i tried la...

he has really soft full lips to kiss and i was like wow.. it was three kisses and i told myself its enough cos if not i wont stop liao...

and then.. i left with a smile... as i was going in to my rumah he called out for me..

tuls...


yea? i left something in the car?


ya...

what is it? *walking to his window*

hahahahaha... we kissed for a few more omgosh in front of my house...

but it was nice la..

the chances of me dating a younger guy is really minimal but... haha.. who knows... it feels like he is too young for me kinda thing.. so yup....


Sunday, October 28, 2012

too trivial to matter...

its the end of october liao... hm... dad should be sending money over early November, now im kinda gan chiong.. haha... if he delivers, ok la.. but if not....... jeng jeng jeng...

my takeaway place is closing for 3 weeks means im gonna be jobless for 3 weeks and now i have less than 100 pounds left... wooooooooooo.... scary nyer......... have to berjimat la..

the timothy thing, im putting it aside liao.. haha.. dating stuffs are so sien now i dont even wanna think..

haha.. im really tired of looking.... the feeling is like having a permanent erectile dysfunction... haha..

im gonna put that aside la.. compare the two things make the dating thing so trivial..

on the other hand, everyone has been asking me: tuls, any christmas plans? .....i will just smile and say no each time..

oh well... ive had enough for now la.. i think.. hm.. i think im gonna go find a job over winter break la.. just as long as the snow is not that terrible, i think i can manage one ba.. hm...

a rainbow can appear even in the gloomiest day, im just hoping for the best la.. its been below 5 degrees constantly now.. the cold brings out the most fragile side of me.. haha.. drama much.. lol..



Saturday, October 27, 2012

date? what date?

maybe im cursed...(i dont really believe, this one dramatic a bit)..

maybe im just destined to not date.. haha...

cos 9/10 of my dates never come.. postponed.. or cancelled...

so what is it this time?

well, yesterday he was busy making dinner for his friends and, ok fine, we move it to today then...

and then today he is too tired.. and also has to prepare for exams..

ok lu.. i believe...

well, masters student ma.. what to do.. :) not benefit of doubt or whatever la.. me no care anymore.. sien..

good also la..

haha..

oh well...

anyway, last night it snowed wor apparently when i was sleeping.. and when i woke up.. its already over..

oh well...


there you can see a layer of snowish thing stuck on the wiper of the car.. snow during the start of autumn wor, apocalypse soon kan? lolllll...

whose car?

well, lets just say last night after i was rejected the date, i was super horny that i have got plan B? lol...

xoxo

Friday, October 26, 2012

so im waiting for his call...

apparently he texted and said that he will call me shortly and that was half an hour ago..

hm...

he doesnt text me, he replies very very slow...

quite tak pandai jaga hati orang lain..

or maybe thats their culture?

or is it just him...?

or maybe he is just busy.... lol...

im doing my stupid report now.. damn sien...


Thursday, October 25, 2012

grindr jeng jeng jeng...

so i was kinda sien with grindr cos everyone on there are those you see there everyday.. so i deleted it last week, using this Timothy as an excuse to delete jugak la.. it wastes lots of my time there dulu before this so its a good thing anyway..

but when that timothy is so unresponsive over text, i thought of seeing what happens over there in grindr and so what happen was i redownload it, and within seconds my profile was up again.. and so ngam he was online, and now even worse cos his body seminaked is up there display to the public.... ooo... show off... he aint my bf so whatever..

but i was just wondering will he reply if i text him there.. and so i tried...

heya stranger...

after an hour..

haha...

have fun talking to other guys here since there are so many near you anyway.. good night..

im just hanging about, its not what you think, dont think so much..

after that i didnt really bother to reply liao... then he text me on my phone once and thats it..

people is too busy to "study" but got time to change profile pic in grindr... right...  thats really a good way of prioritizing huh...

its not what i think, ask me not to think so much? how to not think wor... lol...

whatever...

urgh...

i dont know la.. stupid stupid things make me irritated.. haha... now i think back i still can laugh.. haih.. whatever la.. im not gonna ask about the date la... if he wants it then he will approach kan?...

*bite upper lips*

*deletes grindr*


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

date still on this week?

so timothy went for the Jolin Tsai concert and then came back the next day from London, but.. haha... i didnt even receive one message when he was in London.. and then i look at what i sent to him and all those 5 messages look so wu liao because it wasnt replied at all...

fine.. the next day i try to jual mahal...

lol.. but cannot tahan la so at night before i sleep i just text him la: sleeping already?

then he replied with: sorry, im too tired to talk to you tonight, about to sleep now...

and thats it.. haha..

then tues and today we exchange small messages during the night and then only i know that he finishes his class at 7pm most of the days..

so ok lor.. busy man/boy... whatever... lol..

one thing i realize or if you havent notice is that he isnt the type who likes to text, hm.. haha.... so hopefully he is a more "hands on" person! lol... different culture la maybe, malaysians are just too attached to their phones edi i think...

so now im not gonna put any hope of getting any replies after sending one..

but...        ................

and.......

now i dont even know whether the date is still on or not.. haha...

he hasnt talk anything about it..

and takkan i just ask him like that meh?

so weird la.. later is like tepuk sebelah tangan like that...

urgh... dont know la...


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

on the way back from class...


horrible english...

like seriously, ive got my presentation thing today.. well today's session, 5 groups were randomly chose to present their shit and mine wasnt picked so it will be done next week..

anyways..

there is a malaysian group out of the 5 and when they start opening their mouth, omgosh i feel like dying like seriously..

the impressive "vocab" is not a problem but when it is overused and been plurified omgosh!! cans yous imagines everythings is addeds withs ans "S"!! likes totallys!!

i feel like dying that instant, feel like chopping off my ears or finds some hole to stuck my head in, cos if i feel super annoyed, irritated and shit i can imagine the lecturer who is gonna listen everything and mark you... omgosh.. i think they can go jump sea too..

its just too disastrous.. lol .. not to say my english boomz or what, but like you can use basic english and talk slowly to please my ears? omgosh.. ok la.. dont have to please ma la but... arghhhh... hahha...

anyway... there is no news to update you about timothy cos... he MIA.. haha.. not a good thing but whatever la.. im too tired to care...

im having my FYP meeting later then class all the way till 12am malaysian time...

sien...

and then the Badak... he haha... he was talking to me about Butterfly for the past 2 hours..

i have fucking no idea what is butterfly and he still doesnt want to tell me...

lack of sleep lack of sleep........... zzzzzzzzzzzz........................

my final year project on some anticancer drugs damn damn sien for now cos baru start.. must write proposal all this and that... sien...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Timothy is addicted to Malaysian food..

like seriously...

heya I just finished shopping, now bringing my friend to have some malaysian food where we ate yesterday...

hahahahaha... really?

yea... can you please tell me what we ordered yesterday?

um ok no bother i will just text you la...

ok! :) thanks... 

er....i want the soup, the beef and the bihun...

okok.. will text you later... 

so after texted and all.. he called me after dinner..

i tried something new today and it is really nice!!

what was it?

the soup has bihun in it, it was marvelous!

oh.. hahahaha.. ok....=.=(i did not ask him was it done by mistake or was it intentional la but.. hahaha.. as long as he likes it...)

glad that you like it...

yea.. my friend wants to tell you something...

terima kasih...

oh wow!!!! youre welcome! hahahaha....

so thats today... apparently he is going for the Jolin Tsai concert in London tomorrow... oh well.. good for him.. i will rot in my house here.... haha.. and also work tomorrow night.. sien... *chant: i need money i need money i need money* ok ok.. work work work... lol...

Saturday, October 20, 2012

the date went well... :)

i woke up feeling tired cos i needed to go to the lab for my final year project which i dread so much cos i needed my beauty sleep for the date in the evening.. lol..

so i dragged myself out of bed, went down made 2 sugar butter toast, had a cuppa chek hup 3in1 coffee and one karipap and off i went to the lab.. and the lab was empty when i was there, it was supposed to be a project day on friday but no one was there.. so whatever la... eeeeee.. after 3 hours i feel like dying liao fucking hungry so i went home and made myself harmee with chinese leaf and sebiji telur.. then only my date, lets call him Timothy, Timothy texted me saying that he will be having his classes till 3pm... so ok lor.. i finish lunch and went back to lab lor..

so ngam i finish my stuffs at 3pm jugak.. ngek ngek ngek... i tipu a bit here and there la of course and kinda sneak out by then! lol...

so i went home and showered and everything and went out with an anticipating heart.. haha..

so sohai la.. i think cos tak cukup tidor i got one huge pimple on my dahi like omgosh can someone just kill me... haha...

anyway... so i just hop on the train and off i head towards newcastle..

it takes me a while to reach newcastle and so ngam badak was on whatsapp and so we just chatted lor..

hm...

i feel bad and all for going out for this date knowing that badak is "there", just because he has issues he hasnt solve and like... i was really puzzled la in a sense of not knowing what am i feeling also at the moment of time.. and like i dont know what i want kinda thing...

i dont feel like telling badak about the date cos im afraid that it might hurt his feelings(i pretend he likes me la k) but i thought that i should since he is only a friend for now kan and friends tell each other stuffs and like theres nothing to hide anyway.. but like... urgh...

anyway.. i terlanjur la anyway.. and i accidentally told badak about the date.. and guess what he said the first thing?: make sure it is safe ok...

lolllllllllllllllllllllll

that silly boy...

cant really call him boy la... call him big boy la.. he is older by a few years..

badak is the type of person where if he falls for someone, he falls hard and very to come out of it(sounds familiar?)...

so i also quite.. i dont know what to do... ok la.. i have likings for this badak la but....

just when im really clueless of what to do soul232 texted me....

Go for the one that youre comfortable with, you havent met badak yet right?

just that one line is really really comforting like, ok, youre right! kinda feeling... and my emotions were corrected straight at that point...

once reached newcastle city center i came out of the train station and there he was waiting for me... haha... such a cute guy!! looks cuter than the pic(maybe cos he shaved, the pic look ahpek abit).. haha.. he is my age la anyway.. so its really not bad at all..

a lil shorter than me(not usually a criteria i was looking for but...i lowered the bar cos i realize that there was no ideal guy out there anyway)..

ok

this part frustrating...

2 gay guys, in a not very big city, deciding what to eat is so so so difficult la really...

hey, what you wanna eat?

erm.. anything la... what do you want to eat...

erm.. i cincai one.... erm... what do you like to eat?

well.. i eat almost anything one.. i like a lot of stuffs ...

erm...

NIAMA................. really cant decide !!!

do you wanna eat eastern or western food?

well, anything will do...

we go eastern then... wanna go for dim sum?

i could see it from his eyes that he doesnt really like dim sum or any of those chinese restaurant food cos i mentioned it before and he didnt seem keen.. lol...

or... maybe... hm... there's a small malaysian restaurant in front if you wanna try...

MALAYSIAN FOOD? alright!!! i love trying new food!!!! i havent tried Malaysian food before, why didnt you say earlier!!??? lets go lets gooooooooo...

hahaha.. that was really comforting to hear but like i dont really know whether he likes it or not so i was quite reluctant to bring him there at first but we did went in the end...

and so... once sat down i ask him what does he want and he say something that i will never forget in my life and it will be immortalize here in the blog forever...

what do you wanna eat?

erm... just call all your famous dishes, just call a little bit of everything and we will eat ok?!

*.* what?

yea.. just everything...

hello, have we taken your order yet?

belum cik...

so, you nak order apa?

erm, cik hari ni ada apa?

can i record when you speak in malay? :)

what the hell.. hahahaha... (i know my voice sexy ok loll)

kite ada nasi lemak, nasi tomato, nasi goreng...

ada apa lauk?

ayam sambal, ayam rendang..

ok la, kite nak nasi lemak ayam sambal ngan satu nasi tomato ayam rendang...

ok nak minum apa? erm.. teh tarik ngan sirap ba

what did you order?

well, later when it comes you will see la..

***food came***

er.... thats it?

errr..... yea? 

got nothing else to order?

well... can you even finish?

well yea... order more order more... haha...

er... cik cik....

ya?

erm.. cik ada apa lagi kat menu... lauk lain, sup ke apa...

kite ada soup tom...

ok la satu sup tom yam.... ada seafood tak?

ada...

ada beef rendang? ada! ok nak satu portion tu jugak...

then.. boleh tambah satu bihun goreng ?! boleh!!

i think in her eyes we are either too greedy or like as though 10 years tak makan! lol

....its gonna be expensive wor...

nevermind la, its my first time meeting you and ... its only food, just eat ok.. as long as we are happy..

i dont usually waste food..

i saw the look in his eyes like as though he will need to finish everything afterwards and yes indeed he finished every single drop of rice! hahahaha.. i think he felt bad but it wasnt really overfilling... it was just nice! :) and he loved the nasi lemak and the beef rendang and the tom yam and also the teh tarik.. hahaa... im really glad that he liked it and i know that he is not just saying it for the sake of saying it so thats good.. haha...

he isnt fat at all, in fact he is quite fit and has really fair skin and very smooth.. haha...

after dinner we just stroll around newcastle streets... well the city is not really big cos we circled it three times before he send me off back to the train station.. he wanted to send me all the way back home but nah.. i didnt let him.. lol.. it would be too troublesome..

we talked about me, talked about him, his home country.. lifestyle.. why he usually eats alot.. those kinda things.. its really nice knowing about another asian culture and its interesting la.. and he seems ok.. haha... and we have got a next date planned! :) thats next weekend! cant wait for it!! haha...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Date on Friday!!!

I really cant wait! haha..

so.... its really hard to find anyone to wants to date(disregard other intentions) cos its either SEX or no SEX and dates are like secondary kinda thing in the UK, as in so far la...

so this guy... he messaged me one night and I took 24 hours before replying.. haha.. that was around 1am after i finish my presentation preparation shit.. and surprisingly he was quite a quick replier, either:

1. he is hunting for sex

2. he is super horny and hunting for sex

cos it was 1am then and... hahaha.. but anyway he said that he just woke up cos he was too knackered before that.. haha.. i just take his word for it lor.. hahahaha.. oh well...

but like, i dont really care about what other intentions he has but like this is like the first time after a few months since my last unsuccessful date and the several postponed/cancelled ones and im really looking forward towards it.. haha..

its friday and its for dinner, will be in Newcastle to be safe and like if anything goes wrong i will go like: JASON!!!!!!!!! HELPPPPPPPPPPPP!! hahahahaha... yea.. Jason is just around the corner..

haha...

anyway Vincent was over in Newcastle to visit the husband over the weekend but i was just too occupied with this sohai presentation that i couldnt go meet him... hm... feel fuck la but... haih... and then there is the Edinburgh Games which i will miss jugak.. oh well... vincent and I memang got no jodoh since last time one.. my jodoh is always with Jason jer.. haha.. maybe I did not put enough effort as a friend? urgh... benci kan... (i know he is reading, i assume la he is reading so i purposely write how remorseful i am here so that he will mempersimpatikan me.. lol...)

anyway, daddy hasnt send the money to me yet, i dah lah told my kawan that the money will come in mid october.. hm.. think i should go talk to her tomorrow and tell her that the money will come in in November ba.. well, daddy said early November... and.... haha... i trust him again... oh well.. i think she would understand la kan... but really hopefully that the money will come in la... 

its 3.37am now and i just kinda finished my presentation shit, left referencing nia.. and I bet that reference thing will take a fucking whole day! hahahahahaha...

oh yea, about that badak guy, he... haha.. take it slow la kan... dah la so menjauh one him... if its meant to happen then happen la kan?! hehe...

and my student, Khai, his birthday coming soon, it would be nice if you guys meet up and just catch up a bit.. haha... being here so far from home, it would be nice if there are some close friends gather once awhile and just catch up.. and your presence would be a good present to him liao... im sure he misses you...

miss ya idiot! i gtg go sleep, tomorrow meeting my presentation partner in library.. maggi is my staple for the week liao really damn sien.. mum sent me 2 months supply of instant noodles during April and i just started using them.. :)

now Karen Mok's Ru Guo Mei You Ni is playing in the background.. haha.. accidentally pushed one tear out my triple eye lid eye...

Jolin Shit is performing in London this weekend and ive got a few friends going for it.. haha.. reminded me of our concert days..

k la k la.. damn tired liao!

tarra now..


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Badak...

so this Badak guy, he recently just got out from a ldr.. well... im not really sure about the whole situation la but it seems like ldr is not that feasible if either sides are not ready for it..

im not sure ...

like ldr is not something i would opt to do but it sounds interesting..

i know you cant really play with love but like.. haha.. i dont know la..

so for now i dont really wanna even(try not to) flirt with that Badak boy la.. cos i think he needs time to recover before anything, the last thing i want is me being a rebound ... LOL!! as though he wants me like that.. hahahahahaha...

but yea..

I think i could try this ldr thing, well, maybe it may not work for us but like.. it might work for me ...


that badak loves ldr kinda thing and he thinks it really test both parties mostly on temptations.. haha..

well.. it would be a very very big test for me..

not to say that I will start anything with him or whether he likes me or not(i dont really know what is he thinking at the moment either) but its an option.. haha..

ive known him for 16 months.. thats long enough right?

but like ldr, if in future, there isnt a path where we cross together, what are the possibilities of a future then.. i will also need to really try to find out what is he really thinking..

lol...

this silly Badak gives me the tachycardia shit sometimes ... its a good thing right? haha.. he is probably sleeping now, like you...

im working in an hours time, have to go get ready..

i'll catch you soon!! :)

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Dear bubu,

Was talking to badak just now and he said:

your heart is still very much in Malaysia, its so obvious youre not over your ex, and your reason for breaking up is not valid..

well..

its really not that easy to forget your first love aint it? i mean... well, although youre my second ex, youre still my first love, the one before you, its more like well not main main but like more like trial kinda thing.. oh well.. whatever la... you faham cukup..

whatever badak say is not entirely wrong, but my mindset is totally different..

so what if the reason for breaking up is not valid?

so what if im not over my ex?

there is nothing wrong if i were to think of my ex everyday of my life..

there is nothing wrong if the reason of breaking up is not valid, if you are separated means you are separated.. its not partial separation or some bull crap..

i dont or wont stop myself from doing stuffs i cant control, everytime i think of you i will smile.. it may sound freaky but its true.. because thats what will come into mind before the next person comes into picture(which sadly belum...lol).. and the smiling thing is just an outward expression.. haha.. just smile it away...

it would be easier to move on if there is someone new present as so they say, but its not that easy, not everyone that likes you is your type anyway..

im really tired of explaining actually.. yes, its not compulsory and i dont need to prove it to anyone.. but like..

badak, if youre reading this, thanks for your honesty, but clearly you dont really know what im going through.. you have your own issues to settle and so do I.. and if you really like that someone that you told me you do, then go for it and try talking to him.. if he reciprocates and you guys try working things out, I dont see why it is an issue..

anyway, im really tired today.. been up and down to the library for that sohai presentation prep... so tiringnye...

im still doing it now..

can rest la.. but i feel bad if my partner is doing something and Im not... but clearly it looks like im doing stuffs and she isnt but im just gonna ignore that and not assume.. haha...

night you..

dont sleep too late..

Friday, October 12, 2012

Dear bubu,

Boo! how are you?! :)

I turned into a sex addict liao.. lol..

one thing i notice is that, 9 out of 10 ang mo that i slept with doesnt wear anything to sleep..

well, its not that i cant accept, just that im not used to sleeping in the buff .. at least not with strangers..

its quite potong stim for them.. but whatever la..

i recently rejected a guy cos his place doesnt feel safe to live with.. well.. he rents a room and his room isnt really the cleanest nor tidiest.. not that i am but if its worst than mine, means its bad..

another one is cos his bed smells of his body.. like to the max kinda smell and thats what i hate about sleeping in the buff is that the bed will smell of him and if he doesnt produce nice body oil, the bed stinks and if he doesnt really change it frequent its such a turn off..

haha..

im not picky.. its just... well.. im particular... hahahaha...

omgosh i feel like a sex maniac all again.. haha.. no idea how other people will think of me but whatever la.. cant be bothered..

....


anyway, was talking to someone earlier this about acceptance and all, well, as much as i talk the talk, but if i was in his position, i dont think im able to do what I told him about..

sometimes to think about it, its so so so so easy to say stuffs but when its time to do it, it will never be done.. my life is so messed up now i dont think im in any position to tell people on what to do next.. haha..

gonna continue doing my presentation stuffs...

i'll catch you tomorrow :)

muacks!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dear bubu,

Today i woke up like a couple of minutes before my alarm was to ring.. i wasnt pissed but its the second time that this happened.. haha.. oh well...

i was so so so so so so so so fucking tired cos the night before i did not have enough sleep and last night i slept late cos i went for a movie with friends cos its one of their bdays so...

Taken 2 wasnt bad la but its not as good as the first installment.. not sure whether i watched it with you or not but... haha... *hugs*

today woke up so cold omg but i love cold one memang hehe and the fields were all frozen as my bus journey along to placement.. went to Durham for a hospital placement this morning and the journey to and fro could take me from KL to JB liao time wise.. lol.. my butt pun sakits bangat..

finished placement have to rush back to uni for lectures lagi niama.. and the journey cost will not be reimbursed.. damn niama right i know..

urgh...

made aglio olio prawn thingy today... haha.. not bad for a first try la but still got room for improvement, western food not my forte so forgiveable la.. lol...

got two daddies after coming after me leh... one is quite pro one, the other one handyman, quite hands on one.. the pro one quite witty and cheeky one.. the handyman... er... hm... hahahahahaha...

eeeeeee... how arr.. hahahaha...

daddies i got no issue one.. but i talked to kawan before hor.. she say also true la.. "now still ok la but what if after a few years how.. he also old liao.. some more got generation gap leh.. you can or not?" haha...

well of course we will have to pandang ke arah jauh but a few years seems ok for now but when it really happens, it might take a really long time.. haha..

like us, only 21 months but felt like weve known for years and gone thru stuffs like decades.. cant say literally married cos we did not kinda stay together but like yea...

badak is so far in malaysia..

you pun... dah berada..

.. haha...

ive got an early class tomorrow.. got to sleep now..

tarra!! :) 


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dear bubu,

Just came back from my meeting with my final year project tutor.. he is the sweetest thing ever.. dont think i will have any trouble with him this year so its a good thing.. he taught me since year 1 but i doubt he remembers any much more than the rest..

anyway, apart from him i also have got another lab supervisor and oh em geeeee he is so cute and super sweet as well omgosh.. lol.. shorter la a bit but like, when he smiles, i was like inside melted like that.. hahahaha... not sure is he gay or not but whatever la.. cant say that he is an eye candy like yesterday's case but like he is super nice la..

anyway.. my title and hypothesis and all those crap is out so i could start anytime.. really cant wait..

autumn is here as we speak..



the trees are colouring up now..

its constant 5 - 7 degrees every night now and its only the first few weeks of autumn.. haha.. could feel that this winter will be colder than last year, like a lot colder..

woke up to pee this morning at half 5 and couldnt sleep back after that.. the weather is so cold that i have to hide under my duvet but its so hot inside that i sweat.. maybe cos last night i masturbate until internal heat build up.. hm...

sien..

got class in 5 hours but i cant really sleep now, the sun is too glaring and i think my cortisol level is just too high for now..

i got a presentation in 2 weeks so am preparing it now..

ttyl ! :)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Dear bubu,

First workshop today done by a external guest, omgosh he is the hottest thing I seen so far in this ulu kapit place of mine.. well he was a graduate of my uni and now is working for some big ass chained pharmaceutical company.. anyway he is the best looking thing ever and I cant stop stealing a glance of him from time to time and there's once where he asked me a question and I just looked at him, and I was blank! just blank!! hahahaha... so embarrassing now to think of it omgoshhhhhhhhh!!

other than that today was just normal.. Made Chili Babi for tea just and it was awesome!! for the first time i sweat so much in weeks!

was talking to Badak(the Malaysian guy I was talking few post back), and he was like: you know if you continue flirting with me I will very easily fall for you right?

haha..

that silly guy..

so i lower down a notch of my flirting.. lol... i was quite perasan in a sense that i asked him to not limit his options(like as though im the one for him like that PERASANNYER OMGGGGGGGGG) and tell him to chance upon any opportunity he gets..

lol..

and he can go and say la he so ugly la fat la got pimple la this la that la that no one likes him.. haha...

silly him...

...

.........

I was eating Kaya with toast this morning with a cup of fresh milk and Kaya really makes me miss malaysian food la.. mm... must thank Soul232 for the Kaya la.. best birthday gift this year! haha...

will need to study after this... catch you later :) muacks...

Dear bubu,

Its 3.38am now.. I've told so many people im gonna go sleep, but in real fact im masturbating...

I'm so addicted to it now omgosh like im doing it 5 - 6 times a day wasting fucking lots of hours on it..

hm...

ive got a class at 12 noon tomorrow so that gives me ample of time to sleep..

i have still got a few aik cheong instant teh tarik powder packets left.. hm.. i drink one cup every night now.. its so rare but its so addictive and drinking it reminds me of our mamak session..

i never once order teh tarik in Malaysia but here i crave for it so badly.. maybe cos Malaysia i only drink cold stuffs cos of the shitty weather..

im losing focus la b...

:(

havent been skyping mum for a week or two liao, i dont really know how is mum doing or how is the money coming.. hopefully she is alright there la.. 

im not sure whether i told you about my rash or not.. ive got a rash thing since march, all over my back and chest and around my thighs, oozing and itchy and flaky... and ive been on short courses of antibiotics, was on anti fungal cream, scabies cream and all those shit la but till now still no improvement..

im on the steroid cream for 2 3 months liao, started of applying twice a day and the rash went away for good but once i stop the cream, 4 days later it appeared back and so i use the cream every 4 days for 2 - 3 months now and its still the same..

later on i cannot tahan liao i went online and try to see whether what can i cari about my rash.. i self diagnose myself with pityriasis rosea.. no known cause for this sohai rash and it last from weeks to half a year.. mine is with me for 7 months liao.. hm... you say lah.. i sien or not..

its spreading till my arms now..

lol.. dont ask me about did the couple complain about my rash when they had it with me...

anyway.. so i read the forum thingy that sufferers wrote about their experience and there is one case where he shower with head and shoulders anti dandruff for itchy scalp shampoo and i tried using it and it works la..

so far i havent been using the cream liao and the rash full blast came out, after using the shampoo, the rash somehow under control.. its super dry now and i try to make it as dry as possible by not applying moisturizer and its starting to shed off slowly ... anywhere that once had that itchy rash is now a rough patch of dry skin... im hoping that it will go away.. but.. .hm... my body is so so so rough now.. :( i feel like using the steroid cream but long term using it will cause uneven coloration which i tak mau.. haih...

stupid rash...

ok la.. i go sleep liao la.. night b..

you take care over there in KL k..

tarra..

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Dear bubu,

Recently I had a threeway session, it was with another couple, its my first time in my life doing it so at first i was still very very gan chiong, anyway im not going into details but it ended good and after that they made a meal for me, i had baked salmon and pasta and garlic breads.. and also my first try of gin and tonic..

its really overwhelming, its something not expected out of a sex session.. i later get to mingle with their three cute fluffy dogs and for the first time in my life in UK i feel at home.. it was a banglo-ish kinda house with the backyard twice the size of the house and its really really comfy.. we talked for a couple of hours before they send me home..

they're gonna bring me out to the scene one night i think.. but of course not gonna to just take their word for word la.. will just see how it goes lor.. haha...

im just so horny here omgosh... i havent had sex for months and now this release is a good one.. lol..

im having milo and white chocolate bars for tea now.. revising on Medicines Act, Poisons Act and stuffs.. so boring.. but got small test tomorrow so have to lor...


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Dear bubu,

You know the moment when you speak with someone over the internet for so long without knowing how they look like but you know there's a level of connection that enable further communication to continue but at the same time youre wondering how they look like kinda moment? We have that for a week before we met remember? haha... *hugs*

Well its happening again and after 16 months, i finally know how he looks like and haha.. he looks super smart and bold and kinda gave me the "omgosh he is so hot" feeling for that instance.. haha.. well, he is in Malaysia now and like, well, knowing that long distance relationships is not gonna work for me, of course nothing happen la.. haha..

We sorta plan our first date(if that happens) kinda thing liao but its just so so so vague, cos I dont even know when will i be going back and will... hm.. haha.. lets see, i'll be here for another 2 years, haha... after that pun mungkin i will continue working kot.. lol... If im attached by then maybe menge-PR-kan myself then im not going back liao... haha.. even if im going back to Malaysia pun tak tentu he will still be single or not.. lol... so for now not thinking of anything further than a day knowing that things changes everyday...

I dont know la, tibe tibe i feel like writing everything that I cant really tell you, or sometimes dont have time to talk to you and stuffs all down.. so that we can catch up, or so that You can catch up with my life... well sorta..

Finding a bf here in the UK is so so so difficult.. so far ive went for a few dates but everyone of those doesnt really continue more than once.. its either Im not their type or vice versa..

talked to a guy over grindr and he said that i should really go out into the scene... haha.. the scene here, in this ulu kampung is really quite sad.. being all alone without no close gay friends around, sometimes i wanna go out into the scene pun rasa very... i just dont dare la.. ....not like anythings gonna happen but like it would be more sensible if there's someone here with me...

at least if bored or no one to talk to at least there's someone there for me, wont be like sorang bodoh bodoh like that..

haha.. another reason i dont go out into the scene is cos i dont really drink also, not like they dont serve fizzy drinks or sparkling shit but.. i dont have enough to spend(waste) on those...

so maybe thats why im still single.. hahaha...

nah...

maybe i need to finish my final year here before thinking about all those la kan?

oh well...

...

its 8.21pm here now...

im in my microfleece bath robe writing this, waiting for my turn to mandi..

...

Dear bubu,

This week's house chores im in charge of sweeping and mopping the floors so as I was doing it I run my playlist along la cos if not will be damn boring, brought my laptop and letak it in the kitchen and then play la kan...

Lol..

Like that also i kena complain from my housemates, its freaking 4pm on a Saturday, i fucking do the chores for 30 minutes maximum, you wanna complain that i on song too loud? No brains arr, you fucking do house chores without music you see you siao or not, dah la i so musical talented, want me to do stuffs without music.. i fucking irritated one day if i beh song that bitch i will on the vacuum loud loud and vacuum the floor outside her room for 10 minutes see whether she siao or not..

urgh..

benci..

im so tired liao..

gonna make dinner in like an hour..

Dear bubu,

Today is like every other weekend... Got up when the sun(if exist) is at its highest cos last night i worked till half 12..

at least my expenses and utilities are covered by my one night's pay at the takeaway...

today is also house chores day for me, im doing the mopping and the sweeping of the floors this week..

im also making dinner for the house tonight, making my specialty celery tomato chicken soup :) i make this every week and it taste delicious(lol perasannyer, housemate say one ok)...

i need to start on my final year project already and also presentations to prepare too...

this year's timetable is more relaxed more self study hours for us but that will only make me procrastinate even more.. haha.. will try not to do so la but too much time will divert my attention elsewhere... lol...

i miss you..

Friday, October 5, 2012

Dear bubu,

the first thing after opening my browser after waking up, gmail automatically pop out and i was really shocked cos it wasnt programmed to do so and the first email that was sent to me was a link to your blog.. writing that entry you wrote.. well i will eventually find out but..

I really hope that I'm there.. by your side to help you go thru this stage..

but i know, for now, at least, there is someone there who you could rely on.. well, everything happen for a reason..

silent battle is not really good, because the world might just crashed down on you and you will just be buried underneath altogether and no one knows..

i know no one can do anything to help but sometimes talking to someone could help a lil..  crying it out and not trying to keep everything inside could do you some good..

youve been too strong for too long since i left and i know it cos youve said that, one of us must be strong for us, although there is no us now but i know youre still staying strong for me.. but now its ok to let go, cos im no longer you cant do this all alone, keeping yourself busy and occupied might just be the only way now but you need to get some support alongside..

i'm always here for you, and so will all our friends, all the bloggers and everyone that love us.. ...i hope that this mode of communication helps a lil...

if there's no one else in the world you could pour out to, do it here b...

i still love you idiot..