where am i?

i last blogged in August, and before that i did too, inconsistently throughout the year since i came back from abroad.

what happened?

nothing slutty of course.


i was trying to get myself adjusted with everything.

my house no longer belongs to just me and my mum. there are other tenants that are living here now. mum rented practically whatever she could just to get some side income while i was away. it turned out quite well now as it is.

the weather has been a bitch. i always had this eczema thing going on. the heat was always my enemy and would be permanently a problem for me in this country. but of course, it's just heat, there are always alternatives to cool the body down....

trying to get a job then. i still have debts from my schooling days. im really glad that my awesome loaner didn't really rush me to pay him back what i owe. and im really glad that i had finally paid all that Keith had lend me for my tuition fees back in uni where my funds was cut off cos my awesome dad decided to use it for something better than my education. blah.

socially...
i was fresh in the market in Malaysia after 3 years of absence... well i assumed i was fresh.. lol still fabulous plus 10kilos extra! lol... yea i gained it in the first few months i came back. haha. some liked it, some hated it, most of us got used to it. i became plus size. yay. lovely. trying to get back in shape. that's been a problem since rice is my best friend and here in Msia we practically have rice-y meals in every street of the country!


and so i brought jboy to explore marketplace, met SKP over there. such a small world, SKP is very interesting! to those who doesnt know him,  he is loud, but he is kind and has a hot bod. lol promo sial. good bf material! lol.... .....but yea, i felt so out of the game when i was there. 3 years older makes me feel like i lost touch and i lost my game and i feel like i don't fit in the scene anymore.

i slowly gathered my army and got reunited with once upon a time friends and bloggers. the GB gang is now quite awesome in my opinion! the GB gang consist of 5 bloggers from my golden era. We try to meet up and hang out as much as we could. Effort is important in every relationship. You won't get anything out of it if you don't put any effort in maintaining it.

i tried dating, downloaded grindr, tinder, it's just so strange now to think of what i did then.

i met people.

after coming out from four different awesome relationships, i have my expectations. i have my doubts.

lots of instant cross out in guys that i was looking for. some criterias were quite substantial, some were superficial.... ....for example a guy in his 30s but still doesnt own a car nor have a driver's license despite having a decent good paying job; or the guy that doesn't have an air conditioning unit in his 2 room apartment; some are just sexually incompatible; mostly aren't interested in relationships...

then i met.... Carter. :)

it feels like my broken life has fallen into place. everything that i was looking for in a partner, he has it. but everything that i wasnt looking for, he has it too :)

no one is perfect they say.

so for a relationship to work, we try to cherish the other's pros, and of course we need to learn how to adapt to his cons, everything is about balance and compromise.

Carter smokes. I hate guys who smokes. He knows that. Compromise is that he never smoke around me. When he does, he always uses the lighter to compass the direction of the wind and sat at the direction of the flow so that I won't be affected :) also, i think i got addicted to his hands after he has a fag or two. I'm so used to that scent after smoking that if we ever meet and he hasnt smoke, and if i sniff his hands which i always do, my face would change. lol. the WHY-HAVENT-YOU-SMOKE face. lol..

on my end. i fart. i love to fart. i don't know how he compromise it. i just assume he does. lol. im not saying that he should. lol. i don't want him to get used to my fart-ings. he just does. somehow he did. ok i feel like this part of me sucks. but i feel like that is like one of my worst thing about me. obvious ones. maybe my friends doesn't need to know, ok maybe you guys doesnt need to know. but like whatever. im human. i fart. and i love to tell. lol. if you wanna hear it please hang out with me and i shall whisper it to you, lol, more like bombard it at your face.

we officially got together at Langkawi, the honeymoon period started then and i dont think it ended yet.

Carter wants it to be different this time. It is really different for me as he works abroad. It seems like long distance relationship all over again but we both put in effort to not make it feel like it.

he would travel to meet me as often as he could, once or twice a month, some short trips, some long ones..

we would go to places that we've not been, new places, new memories for the both of us... we travel almost every month to somewhere new.. it's something i don't see myself doing if it wasnt for him.. living life to the fullest..

i love it when we did a road trip from KL to Ipoh and then Penang and to Perlis then cross the border over to Hatyai, drive all the way up to Songkhla and then up north to Samui island then cross over to the west to Krabi and extend to Phuket then back to KL passing through Trang :) it was the best time of my life so far. My tummy suffered from severe withdrawal from all those awesome Thai food after that. haha... but it was a helluva journey...

so here i am.. still juggling with my 9-6 job.. and also with my precious Carter... my mum... and my friends...

i was so occupied with living that my priorities shifted..

it was a good change for me..

it is really nice to read back old entries and that kinda inspired me to write back again.. and also because a certain few people did really want me to do so... but nobody can force someone to write.. haha..

but yea...

so... here i am..

new entries... new memories...

axe oh axe oh
tuls

there are lots of good strangers out there...

you know sometimes you have that feeling.. feeling of feeling feeling.. like sudden influx of emotions through your body for no reason..

well i just had one..

was showering and was thinking while looking at the ceiling...

i realize that im in malaysia...

like wow...

it took me half a year to really realize that..

....

im not sleeping the whole time...

i was just....... .............i dont know. suddenly i miss the cold miserable full of slutty fun life of England..

Keith texted me not too long ago and said that I had overdrawn 10pounds from my bank account and that the statement was sent to him... and i was like: REALLY?... and he was like: yea, i paid it off already..

:)

he is just too sweet... still sweet even after so long....

i do miss him..

he is a good chapter of my life.. Carter once said to me a year ago, he said: I think if Keith was 10 years younger you would have married him... 

i guess he is right, i said. haha.... silly keith... he texts me every now and then asking about life over here in malaysia, asking about Carter and I, my family.. he is really such a sweeet sweeet daddy. Anyone who wants a daddy in UK who doesnt mind him sexing me before can always contact me and I shall intro la.. LOL... JOking..

anyway...

chatting with Keith made me reminisce about the life i had in UK. the weather, the job, me taking the metro, my lovely awesome car, my graduation, how i struggled through uni while doing 2 jobs at the same time...

i had a great life there..

i always told myself, i wanna get out of the country for good, never wanna come back here, this place is a shithole...

being back here for 6 month, having someone special now, surrounded by friends and family, it feels like this is not a bad place after all...

haha..

i mean as long as youre content with what you have and where you are, i guess its all that you need to stick around..

or maybe im just too lazy to find a job in England, but whatever, thats not the main point..


i wanna thank those who wrote to me with their concerns and those who wanted to help for the past few years while i was abroad.. at times of trouble, you guys were there to support even though most of you dont even know me personally at all...

to that one person who helped me get tix to go home when i was in deep shit, i owe you the most, you helped me even though we havent met and that you only know my story through this blog... may God bless you always.. you dont know how much it meant to me that night, it was like 2 am in the morning, and my visa was like expiring in a month, and I was all alone, with no one to go to, insomnia kicked in, stress mode full on and with no security whatsoever, I texted you and..... ....just thank you so so much. Like the angmos like to say: youre an angel! :)

i've had lots of really good encounters in my life... lots of help here and there along the way.. i just wanna be that person in the future too, someone who could lend a hand to another person when he/she is in deep shit, whether its emotional, financial or physical support... i know i am trying to...



there are lots of good strangers out there, i wanna be a part of that society too..

till then... have a good year ahead to whoever who is still reading this dusty page :)

am i like TULS real life?

dont get me wrong, most of the things i write here is true..

maybe the only difference would be ... er... well, people say my voice doesnt match my face all the time, im portrayed as very childish character and that doesnt really reflect me in person.. when people get to know my profession they go:

really? you dont look that at all...

er... then what do you think i do?

well, law or something....er......i mean since you talk so much... hahahahahahah LOLLLL



its really hard to pen down emotions and facial expressions and body languages... so sometimes what you see is what you get and perceiving my writing through this blog only gives out the childish vibe.. hahaha.. well most of the time i guess, and from feedbacks i get from readers..

i mean, first of all i hate to read, like seriously, i never read in my life.. like ive never read a whole book before,  the only thing i do read are medical journals and gossip mags(rarely).. hahahaha...

i mean i think that explains my grammar, my grammar suck big time and not to mention my vocab is limited, sometimes i really do envy people with bombastic vocab, some people think that makes them se?xy but to me if that person uses too much then its very turn off one, i mean conversation wise la, if its in writing i think the more you write it shows your knowledge and proficiency in the language lor and i think its quite hot la => bedtimestoriesSAVANTE im talking bout you!! lol

i like how lucifer writes his stories at times too but too bad he stopped writing for over 2 years now... i wonder why... work ba? being a doctor is not easy huh.... those who knows lucifer will be like: OMG LUCIFER TULS is exposing your profession in his blog!!! well, no, its in his profile and his intro anyway so im not exposing anything and moreover there are so many gay doctors anyway!!! lol.. and talking about lucifer.... aww.. he is so cute, i miss him so much!!!!! haha...

anyway... was talking to a reader one day and...

me: hey, so what do you usually wear to work anyway?(my intention was to ask what kind of clothes)

a reader: err, im not as atas as you la... i dont wear branded one...

err....... huh? why do you even think that?

from your blog lo...

from my blog can know meh?

got that feel lor...



hahahahahaha... like that also can... i can honestly tell everyone here that the TULS in person is definitely at least 50%* different from what you think I AM in real life! lol... so dont put your hopes too high if you are meeting me.. well, ive met 4 readers in the UK so far and all of them(im not sure whether they are disappointed or not but so far macam ok la) say the same thing, im tamer in real life, laugh a lot, down to earth(yay) and very nice to talk to! :)  .. 1 more next week, so mister reader, please be prepared.. haha..

muacks

xoxo

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