i still miss you....

people say that im still hanging on to the past..

am i?

hm....

its not something that anyone could fully comprehend, not even me...

if we were to treasure each other that much, we would make it no matter what the distance right?

why did i let you go? why did i let myself go..

i wasnt 100% honest to you or to myself..

i guess us humans are selfish..

i am selfish...

the fact that we didnt really break up break up,,, seems like im living a dream and when this dream ends i will wake up and youre here again...

but for now, its a nightmare..




when can i wake up??


when will i see you again??





missing you is something i cannot deny..

as much as i think i found happiness and i know that you do too but its feels like we are lying to ourselves and that finding temporary happiness with what we have now is just to console ourselves.. maybe not for you but i feel like i am..

dont worry, im perfectly fine, before you jump into conclusion that im crazy or being a lunatic..

i seldom think so much..

its way pass my bedtime..




tonight, the feeling just..... well, its just overwhelming...


partially its because of this song thats playing..

i remember this song, where you dedicated it in a video you made for us, collages of pictures of us all into one..

it was once on your blog and then now its all gone...

i dont have the copy of that video but the essence and each picture is still vividly playing in my memory..

i miss you a lot you silly..

writing this makes me feel like im cheating on keith.. bless him, he is really a nice guy, loving caring and all.. hm... but its just different...
you and me, its just different, it just feels right...

haha.. i feel like some lame sad bitch writing this down..



how are you, sometimes i wonder..

i want to text you but, hm, you're with someone else now, and i dont want to be the clingy ex that keep messaging...

i think for the past 2 years, weve only exchange text on our birthdays..

....

sometimes i really wonder what is going on with your life right now...

....

i know im not part of it right now anymore, i mean, its been two years since we last met and decently spoken to..



its like we kinda fall out of each other's life..

thinking of what would happen if i didnt leave to study here in the UK doesnt make things any better..

i still remember lying on your legs with your fingers going thru my hair and me just looking up to you..

i miss that a lot ..

i miss you a lot...



well, back to work tomorrow... i need some catching up with sleep...

i am still me..

remember the note i left inside you twenty second birthday present..... well, i meant every word..

love,
me