I've decided to leave Keith..

I've been thinking a lot...

Due to unforseen circumstances Im only allowed to stay in the UK for another couple of months, after that I will need to leave. If i want to stay and work here i will need to reapply from home and chances are slim from what i heard of.

Lots of parties and procedures involved if i really wanna work in the UK, employers la, sponsors la, funds la etc.. and most employers would rather hire a local englishman to do the job rather than going through all the paperwork just to get someone over from a foreign country...

why must the visa requirements be so stringent?

why must it be now?

that aside, i only have a few more months to stay...

well people ask: what do you gain by doing this now? is leaving keith the best thing to do now?

there isn't a best thing to do or best time to do this kinda things in a way anyway.. leaving is something somewhat complicated in any circumstance..

whether its now or next year when my visa expires, its gonna still be the same, i will leave him anyhow..

i think the reason why I'm kinda hanging on to keith is that cos i feel like i owe him cos he was there when i was in deep shit and of course after that he conveniently invite me to move in and i did, naturally, and its such a smooth transition that i don't really realise that I'm doing it all on a "taking the easy way out" basis..

not to say in the end it backfired but i wished that i did not move in ...

but everything happens for a reason anyway.. and if i didn't move in, inner feelings and realisation wouldn't surface at this pace and i think it would only make things worse.. delaying it any further wouldn't be good ..

for now I'm not paying any rent so moving will kinda make my budget tighter, is it worth it? hm... wouldn't know until i move out and i don't think its any bad, i mean, everything will work out eventually.. yes, it means i won't get to eat as often but it will be all fine, i will just need to cook more the night before and pack for lunch tomorrow..

a friend asked: why don't you wanna stay on just for a few more months and prevent all these frustration?

hm... i feel like I'm not being genuine to keith and it wouldn't be fair for him nor myself.. and sleeping together praying for each day to pass till the day i have to leave is not gonna help..


I'm currently looking for places to move out, found a couple of nice houses and will go viewing soon, hopefully one of them will be suitable la.. and for Keith being abroad now gives me time to kinda do all these.. although i wish that he would be back faster but... hm....

i was thinking of moving out while he is not here but a friend reminded me of how inappropriate and indecent that would be and yea.. feels wrong after thinking about it... sometimes being occupied so much, you can't think properly, and in the end offended some other people accidentally.. its always good to have second opinions and thanks for all those friends who were with me this 2 weeks helping me out on the matter...

hm....

this matter was somehow affecting my work for the past few days when even my superior notices it and ask me am i ok.. haha.. and true enough when friends say that my face can't lie about my true feelings...

the clock is going an hour backwards starting now so little tuls, even time is asking you to think again by giving itself away..

but I've decided and I'm sticking to it.