where is bubu..?

it is a question i can never run away from, and so i embrace it with a smile each time..

everytime i meet someone who knew that i was with bubu before this, standard question would be where is he? are you guys still together? are you guys getting back together?

well, let me tell you folks, he is doing well, now doing his post grad studies, not in the country at the moment, single and unavailable :)

are we getting back together? haha... lets keep that a secret la..






whenever the bubu topic arises, i will usually get nervous and all but this time round, its not there anymore.

not sure why.

maybe ive accepted the fact, the truth and come to realize that we are just friends now.

i remember taking a picture of our chocolate, our first chocolate that he got for me, got for us and it will always be our chocolate, and send a pic of the chocolate to him 3 years after we separated..

whats that?

dont you remember?

remember what?


haha.. that instance i know deeply, he had moved on, why cant I? and with that, I think it somehow help me move on..

maybe bubu did it on purpose, maybe not, but whatever it is, it helped..

after 3 years, i feel like im finally free, its not easy, not easy to admit or to think that i finally let go someone that i used to love so much...

or have I?



:)

officially 25

yup!!

im 25.

i still cant believe that im 25.





i feel like i havent achieved anything in life.

im usually quite optimistic but being unemployed has its perks.


ive got friends who own properties and assets at 25.

some are millionaires.

well of course there are those who are struggling and some that are not even there at all but...

I dont know why, but suddenly being 25 hit me just across the face.

I feel useless all of a sudden. and OLD!, did i mention OLD? urgh.. it felt like i was just 18 yesterday and having all the sex in the world with random strangers.



hahahahah....

ok maybe i'm being a little dramatic.



what do i want in life?

what do i wanna achieve that made me feel like i havent accomplish anything?


i really dont know.


ive been back for a month now. having the time of my life not doing anything, just burning my pocket and filling the tummy with good food.

i wanna go back to the UK but I dont know, it doesnt feel like UK likes me as much as I like it..

my wake and sleeping patterns are all over the place, im writing this at 5am! can you imagine? lol



everyone thinks Yea, Tuls will be fine...

yea, Tuls is a smart kid, he knows what to do..

Tuls has been to the UK, he must be really rich now!

me this me that...

everyone just assume I'm all that just because I'm always happy, bubbly, optimistic, tall, dark, handsome.. i think im gifted.. not everyone can put on that front everyday of their life..


well at least i know im gifted in that way........ thats so cool right? right?....................... yea............

i think im just having one of those down days.. lol...

i'll be fine in no time! :) haha...

but i guess sometimes its good to spill and write things down...


few days ago i even asked Keith the marry me! lol like jokingly.... and he was like: now youre telling me that.

haha....

i knew he was considering it if i hadnt break up with him....

but o well, life is exciting this way isnt it, unpredictable and full of shit..

Keith is currently dating his ex bf now...so yea, hope he finds his happiness "again" ... but i know the sex i gave him was the best.. *flip hair* and Keith confirmed it so Mr Ex-Bf can just suck on that and Keith can only imagine what he will be missing out... haha.... MARRRRRY ME KEITH!!!

thats the desperate TULS trying to get out from Malaysia the easy way out.. lol..

relationships are learning foundations of life..

i know some people can't be alone for too long, they keep searching until they settle down with someone..

at desperate times they do settle down with the next best option, with the next person who shows interest, but they may or may not turn out to be the person whom you are looking for..

i know some people live by the single rule, afraid of commitment and being too attached to something or someone.. it could be either because they experienced the pain of losing someone so badly or its just their own principle in life..

but love, sometimes it comes to you without you searching for it..


guess what, im in a relationship now!!

omgosh really!?!? congrats...

yea!! :) haahhahaha...

im so jealous!!


sometimes people use relationship to make themselves feel better or special..

well it does that to certain people..

haha..

being in a relationship sometimes gives us an excuse to turn down other requests...


hey, you wanna go out later?

nah, im meeting my boyfriend later..

nah, im going out for a movie with my partner..

im going on a holiday, wont be back till xxx....


but if we are in a relationship for the wrong reason, it wont last...

friends that you ditched because you wanna spend time with your bf would think twice before meeting you up again after your break up thinking that you only come to them when you have an issue..

recently ive come to realize that what the old idiom saying "Life is a learning process" is really true and it applies to relationships as well..

i believe that each relationship teaches us something..

sometimes we dont get what we want from a relationship..

you desire happiness and love, it gives you loneliness and hell..

you yearn for cuddles and hugs, it gives you pain and aches..

you want stability and comfort, it ruins your social life and your empties your pockets..



sometimes it stings, sometimes it hurts...

whatever it is, you will need to try to see the good side of things! :)

there is a solution for every problem encountered along the way..
some people embrace it and tackle it head on... well good for you..
some people is afraid of the outcome and just shy away hoping that problems will go away on its own..

whatever you do, there is always a choice...

there is no such thing as a right or wrong choice, the only difference would be the pro-s and con-s of each decision you make..

whatever you decide, never regret it, if you think its not appropriate, you can always choose to act again..

different people may reach differently to what you do and to what they think is correct..

it takes two to tango, as long as youve done your best in trying to fix the problem, you shouldnt be sad if the ending doesnt go well, take it as a lesson and imply and improve on your next relationship...

we see couples that are together for 10 years, 12 years, some 20 years and so on, what do you think makes them be together for so long?

a few years down in a relationship, your life would start to become a routine, it will be boring and dull if we just let it go on like that..

maturity and understanding of two people will have a deeper role in sustaining a relationship..

people change as time goes by, even while you are in a relationship, you will need to adapt to life and live around it if you are living together, some changes are mild and develop over the years, some are instant crushes that requires more understanding and trust for both to fully comprehend the situation..

everyone has their own limits of accepting changes in life, some drastic ones that are too much too handle would sometimes end a relationship there and then... I've experienced first hand when one of my previous boyfriends turned religious overnight :)

sometimes we wonder why something like that would happen to someone..

sometimes we wonder why did he chose to break up with us..

does he not love me anymore?

am i not good enough for him...

every negative thought you can think of would surround you like a dark aura.. depression and fear isnt far behind..

if we could only understand the situation from a different angle, it wouldnt be that bad after all..

think it on a positive side, maybe the other person is in the way obstructing you advancing to the next level in your life..

maybe he realize youre more like a friend in bed than someone he would wanna be with for the rest of his life? if thats the case, youre so lucky to have get out from that relationship because you are wasting your time and his time. most of the time people arent that lucky to find out cos humans tend to be selfish.. and by the time you find out it will already be too late..

there are so many reasons one can come up with.. but the real question you should ask yourself..



are you happy being with him? yes.

good, thats it..

if there is a but behind the yes, then you might wanna think again the real reason you are together..


someone use "not enough time" as an excuse just to no breakup with someone..


yes you are quite comfortable with Mr X because you are very busy with your working life, you have no social life because you work 10am-10pm and on occasional saturdays, he on the other hand has his hands full with his job as well so you are both kinda like "ok" with the routine and just get on with life as it is cos you have no time to search for other people..bla bla bla...


fine by me.. fine by him..

fine. as long as youre happy.

dont commit to a relationship because you feel nice being with him for the first few times meeting with him..

try to get to know him, not to say that every hot, nice and single guy is a serial killer or what but.. haha.. you'll never know.. im just kidding! lol..

but you might never know that he might still be full of nerves the first few times you guys met but he is actually a pretty decent and cool guy after overcoming it? haha... dont judge the book by its cover! but yes sometimes we choose by looking at the cover! oh well... we are human after all....



to end on a messy note, if you were in a relationship no matter how long or short it is, whether its a five day thing, a summer fling, or a few years kinda commitment, you are collecting experience points like how pokemon collects EXP from battling other pokemons and in this case your partner would be the other pokemon.

if they are rare types or powerful types, you will gain more exp when you defeat them, if they are only common ones, then you will still collect exp point no matter what but just lesser.. anyhow, with all the exp points in life, you will level up each time and be a better person with much more understanding in life and how you view life, your life and life around you! if only you would let yourself see it..

Grindr and related app slangs jargons and conversational cliches in Malaysia..

Hey pic

As per profile

************************

Hey, you ok? ( i was being british )

Huh ok? ( sometimes not ok = crazy, so my question would be a little bizarre in the malaysian crowd lol)

oh, i mean how are you doing? (oops)

************************

heya, you look cute, any other face pic?

no

BLOCKED

************************

heya, you look cute, any other face pic?

SENT PIC

BLOCKED

************************

heya

npnc

err.... what?

no pic no chat

oh... me or you?

you

but you dont have one either?

BLOCKED

************************

heya

hey

hey

hey

heya

hey

conversation died

************************

what are you looking for here?

as per profile

READ

oh, chats and friends...

TB?

no TB

Top or bottom

oh, Bottom

want fun?

as per profile

BLOCKED

************************

CF?

er... used to...

come its fun...

err... but its in the middle of the night? its closed no?

huh?

the gym is open now?

only after that i realize CF is not celebrity fitness -.-

************************

FUN?

yea sure... do you accom?

what?

accom? do you accomodate?

what? your place free?

err... i was just asking you that.. no mine is not...

apparently accom is a UK thing? lol

************************

u chi?

err.. yes..

seek?

fun

u r t?

upper respiratory tract? infection ? what?

u r top?

oh, no bottom..

************************

whr u?

USJ...

oh btw im am stay sunway..

r u top or btm

bot you?

oh im straight act, im money boy

BYE

************************

hi want fun now?

sure..

your ass pic?

your dick pic?

conversation died

************************

that blowjob was dirty...

i was wearing a white trunk underwear one day and i notice a little yellowy stain at the bottom of it and naturally i thought that it was sweat plus shit or something la cos before that i had a dump and so i just ignored it..

the next morning the whole underwear stinks and i was like wtf! the yellowy stain was all over my underwear and the first thing that came to mind was FUCK, NOT AGAIN!

so this time i was symptomatic. it happened 2 to 3 days after that blowjob i posted before this. 

i remembered the first time that happened was almost 2 years ago where i was asymptomatic and only found out when Keith shows symptoms, same ones i experienced. 

if its bacterial infection, if its symptomatic, there will usually be discharge and usually stinks.. pain while urinating is also common.. well these are the only two that i experienced.. if you wanna know more about the signs and symptoms of common sexually transmitted disease

=> http://www.patient.co.uk/health/sexually-transmitted-infections-leaflet

anyway, to summarize, you might wanna get checked if you have the one or more of the following:

• pain while urinating (new episodes)
• discharge (yellow or white) usually smelly, do not get confused with pre cum or ejaculating while youre asleep
• persistent itch even after showering and cleaning
• new abnormal looking bumps or blister 

you are lucky if you have symptoms cos at least you know, and you wont keep spreading it to people without knowing.

50% of the infections do not show any symptoms and that is why it is so dangerous. you may carry it for months and no know you have it if you are asymptomatic.

anyway.. the first thing that came to mind was to get treatment, i didnt have a car then and it was raining cats and dogs.. and so i called my bestie and say: SOS bitch, come now! im leaking yellow and its nasty!

and it no time he was in front of my house and off we went to the pharmacy

you arrr.... such a slut!

WHAT?!?!?!

yala! sex sumore la!!

what the fuck! hahahaha.. it was only one blowjob! how the fuck should i know la!! that dirty fucker!

-.- go get azithromycin 1.5g now!

yes yes...

so we went to all the pharmacies nearby and only found it at the fourth pharmacy we stopped by.. it was RM20 for 6 tablets of 250mg of azithromycin... the branded one was RM50 for 6 tablets, pharmacies will usually try to sell it to noobies before selling the cheap one and the first 3 pharmacies did stock the brand but I'm not paying extra 30rm for the same thing lol.

so with a bottle of water, it all went down my tummy...

an hour later, fuck! i was having cramps, tummy ache! hahahaha... common side effects with such high dose cos usually 1g is sufficient to kill it but i was being cautious and took 1.5g.. my besties and I are both in the medical field so we just followed our instincts to do what we did...

the pain left after a couple of hours...

discharge was still going on till the next morning... i threw away 3 underwears that was stained with discharge. not even bothering to wash it! lol hahahahahaha....

but yea, i will need to go get tested soon... my last one was in May but this needs to be done just to make sure nothing remains...

if only i was in the UK then this would be free...

the discharge and pain stopped the next morning.. and now i feel fit as a fiddle...

anyway, people, the moral of the story is, you can get infected even if its just light fun... 

imagining yourself kissing a guy that has chlamydia on his mouth! yucks!!! hahahaha.. 

play safe and be safe!

xoxo