make it work bitch!!

from all my past relationships, one thing is common, is that i never really wanted it enough to make things work..

maybe it be because i wasnt ready..

or maybe cos i wasnt really sure..

maybe cos i wasnt mature enough at that moment of time to really know what i want..



with my first boyfriend, it was so young, i was like 17 and he was like 15.. and we were like still virgins and like still so fresh and inexperience and over the years we kinda grew curious and venture out on our own and separated in a way shortly after a couple of years...

then with bubu, i love him and i still do but at that moment of time i kinda put my studies first even before him and end up in england and we kinda separated after that..

i feel like i have been really selfish in a way.. and like... well, i mean, humans do always think for themselves first and others later, thats human nature no? and I think with Keith i love myself too much to go further and deeper in the relationship so that i wont get hurt in the end..

but when you can put someone else's as priority before yours, that someone would be a very happy person..

the thing is we sometimes do it to the people we love but.... sometimes it is not always returned..

there will always be one party that loves the other more...

if you can find a balance between 2 people who love each other that they would sacrifice and make each other their priority, that it would be perfect! and maybe a happy ever after ending...

but come on.. what are the odds of finding that...

im really hoping that Tom turns out to be that person, i mean, i really want my next relationship to work...

i feel like ive been trying and trying and trying and never try hard enough or maybe put extra effort in sustaining a relationship

maybe not yet...

maybe there are always obstacles...

but...

i really want it to work this time...

but obstacles are there as we speak...

so all i can do now is wait.. and work on it by removing obstacles little by little... i mean, there are always people to date and people to have sex with every corner in life...

and i know friends of mine that live by that code of singlehood and never getting attached and have all the sex in the world but my goal is different...

whats the point.. hahahah...

i mean i love sex...

but i love being attached even more...

people say getting attached is overrated... maybe they are just jealous that they cant sustain one.. haha..

whatever the reason , i just need to work on it...

if i put all i can and have in it and it still doesnt work, then i have nothing else to say...




niey said something and i think its really crucial, is that i need to remind myself, that throughout the process, dont let the other party take advantage of me... well, i dont mind him taking advantage of me sexually cos i damn dry but.. yea... the heart matters ....

yes...

that is something we always neglect and ignore..



ok tulsie.. new year new spirit, new goal, new aim and new person of interest :) little Tom..