t u l s

t u l s

Friday, September 21, 2012

empty promises...

so my third year of uni starts with the separation of bubu and I,  to the rebound relationship, then the scare of my life of failing my exams then to a lil glimpse of future working life... just as I thought of starting my final year and the urge of wanting to graduate, another bomb was dropped on me..

my funds werent coming in from Malaysia.

im not asking for much, i just need my tuition fees and rent thats all..

utilities and living expenses i can cover with money earned over the summer..

i was promised by dad saying that he will be sending money over since July and I naively waited..

i should have known better.. he is my dad after all..

i never demanded anything before because i knew i wont be getting it..

since 12 years young i was promised this and that and never once he managed to keep it..

to the extent where i lost hope in my own dad..

mum was the only one who raised the family up till now..

deep down, im always yearning for him to change and try keeping to his promises..

when we chose this course together, dad said that he will be able to use his EPF and pay for my tuition fees and asked me not to worry..

i trusted him.

3 years later.. im stuck. stuck at this place so far from home, i have got no one to turn to, no place to go but just hopelessly breakdown.... within this four walls..

all i can do is hoping everyday that dad would send some money..

i skyped mum just now, and i told her that i could try discussing with the bursary unit and told her that I'll try to negotiate and see how long can i delay the payment..

i told her i would let her know by tomorrow..

bursary said end of October.. and so that would be it..
before she left the screen she said to me: dont worry so much ok, everything is gonna be ok..

being so far from comfort, thats the only thing i needed to hear to gladly turn off skype..

but now that i think back, she would be the one that is worrying the most..

her son, so far away from home, all he wanted was to graduate and he could work already, a job is even there waiting for him to start..

and now she has to go and search for money..

so much must have went thru her mind there..

im just worried for her..

i tried approaching friends for money but... haha.. who am i kidding...

i feel so embarrassed asking for money, and i dont like money affecting relationships so sometimes i dont even wanna talk about it or like even try...

but all i want now is just to graduate..