i cried....

after few months...

it came down again..

haha.. the last time was cos of keith...

i feel like im some intermittent crying machine now.. lol ...



tomorrow marks the start of my first ever holiday after working since august..

i think all those bottled emotions were kinda let out when Bear said that he is gonna pick me up and bring me go makan...

haha...

i feel like i havent seen any familiar faces for so long liao and so its like withdrawal...

i cried for joy in a way...


but also..



kinda talked to my big boss today and asked him about future jobs within the company and he said that there are currently no positions available...

well i kinda expect that already...

i dont know la...

sometimes i feel like giving up and just go home.. but.... little Tom......

tuls o tuls......


why stress so much..

hm....

i hope this week will kinda ease my mood out for me la...

cant wait to meeeeet Bear !! lalalalala...

am i like TULS real life?

dont get me wrong, most of the things i write here is true..

maybe the only difference would be ... er... well, people say my voice doesnt match my face all the time, im portrayed as very childish character and that doesnt really reflect me in person.. when people get to know my profession they go:

really? you dont look that at all...

er... then what do you think i do?

well, law or something....er......i mean since you talk so much... hahahahahahah LOLLLL



its really hard to pen down emotions and facial expressions and body languages... so sometimes what you see is what you get and perceiving my writing through this blog only gives out the childish vibe.. hahaha.. well most of the time i guess, and from feedbacks i get from readers..

i mean, first of all i hate to read, like seriously, i never read in my life.. like ive never read a whole book before,  the only thing i do read are medical journals and gossip mags(rarely).. hahahaha...

i mean i think that explains my grammar, my grammar suck big time and not to mention my vocab is limited, sometimes i really do envy people with bombastic vocab, some people think that makes them se?xy but to me if that person uses too much then its very turn off one, i mean conversation wise la, if its in writing i think the more you write it shows your knowledge and proficiency in the language lor and i think its quite hot la => bedtimestoriesSAVANTE im talking bout you!! lol

i like how lucifer writes his stories at times too but too bad he stopped writing for over 2 years now... i wonder why... work ba? being a doctor is not easy huh.... those who knows lucifer will be like: OMG LUCIFER TULS is exposing your profession in his blog!!! well, no, its in his profile and his intro anyway so im not exposing anything and moreover there are so many gay doctors anyway!!! lol.. and talking about lucifer.... aww.. he is so cute, i miss him so much!!!!! haha...

anyway... was talking to a reader one day and...

me: hey, so what do you usually wear to work anyway?(my intention was to ask what kind of clothes)

a reader: err, im not as atas as you la... i dont wear branded one...

err....... huh? why do you even think that?

from your blog lo...

from my blog can know meh?

got that feel lor...



hahahahahaha... like that also can... i can honestly tell everyone here that the TULS in person is definitely at least 50%* different from what you think I AM in real life! lol... so dont put your hopes too high if you are meeting me.. well, ive met 4 readers in the UK so far and all of them(im not sure whether they are disappointed or not but so far macam ok la) say the same thing, im tamer in real life, laugh a lot, down to earth(yay) and very nice to talk to! :)  .. 1 more next week, so mister reader, please be prepared.. haha..

muacks

xoxo

*terms and condition apply, percentage may vary depending on geographical factors

Dear tuls, do bloggers have sex with each other?

and so i receive a question from a reader, well, naively i assume...

Do bloggers sleep with each other?

all i can say is NO?

im saying NO because i assume no? or maybe I'm jealous that I wasnt invited for a blogger orgy? lol..

jokes aside, bloggers are humans too, and most bloggers know each other anyway and they hang out sometimes as friends, have a meal, have a drink, go clubs and stuffs... if they click well, they might get together, i know a few blogger couples that got together through blogs..

what they decide to do(sex or not) is solely up to them, as far as I know, well my circle of blogger friends, THEY DONT SLEEP TOGETHER ! lol

so what if they do? hahahaha... who cares?

those who do care are the ones that are jealous!!

when i was with bubu, we met quite a lot of bloggers as a couple and we DID NOT have sex with any of them lol... well, there is nothing to prove, i dont even know why am I saying this... hhahaha...

i think im the hottest blogger around *fliphair* and so if im not getting laid with other bloggers i assume they dont too? lol... joking joking... hahahahaha... there was a saying that bloggers are people who are weird and have got no life, well im a living proof of the opposite! Im Hot, Awesome and Full of Drama.. with no sex... lol..

bloggers are the best people you want/can meet in life! I'm gonna head down to London for a week next week. If anyone wants to have a meet and greet with the famous legendary superawesomeperasan tuls, just email us and I'll get back to you in a jiffy!!

oh btw, bloggers that i think(some i dont even know them or meet them but just a fantasy about them) is hot are.... in no particular order:

1. Alex the gay
2. bubu
3. V underhisbed
4. Simonlover
5. Adlexus
6. Chineseprick
7. ChenXing
8. Mark for travis's eyes
9. Malimo
10. me

bloggers that i think is cute are:

1. shadowjung
2. bunny clean shaved lol
3. bear clean shaved lol
4. untoldstories
5. K
6. kiddystick
7. jboy
8. me

hahahaha,, i put me in both list for fun.. hahahahaha.. that show how full of shit i am about myself.. hahahaha... those who didnt make the list dont worry ok, this list is subjective and bias anyway.. its a in my opinion kinda list so anyway.. 

gooooood nights peeeeps!!

and we dont have sex with each other!!!


those who laugh and think otherwise please email me !!! tell me all the juicy interblogger sexscandal please!!!! thanks!!!!!

what was i even thinking??

was talking to a friend and...

what makes you wanna take a time out anyway?

err.. i dont know.. maybe like kinda like let him think things through and stuffs...

errr.. you know time out is like when you wanna date someone else kinda thing right when youre in a relationship?

er.... really arr.. ?? i mean... well.. i didnt know that...

yala!! and i was like i know you dont need that thats why i was like thinking why are you taking timeout!

hm... ....





ive been staring at skype all night and him being online isnt helping at all..

well, taking time out doesnt mean dont talk...

er.... really arr?

*facepalm*

how would i know wor........ ......er.. so should i say hi?

YES!!!

ok so here goes nothing..... *type: Heya*



little Tom replied straight away: hey....

you ok?

yea... you?

uh huh....

uni tomorrow?

yea....

well.. have fun then..

silly...

err.. who?

you...

why me?

*skype ring*




at last!

he called!!!


and my mood from moody sohai bitch mood became omgosh im on cloud 9 mood!


both of us felt stupid for not talking to each other knowing that we are just literally there online ...

i missed him a lot... and so did he...

haha....


no more time OUT!!

one whole day not talking macam 1 whole week tak cakap omgosh.... lol....

im fine now...

ok... its 2am...

needs to zzzzzz.....

fight for your love...

its something i think really important..

not a lesson of the day thing but maybe a lifetime..

as much as you fight for it, you cant make a sound with just one hand.. if the other person doesnt fight for it, then nothing its gonna happen...

one day and im already feeling uneasy..

seeing him online on skype makes my hands itchy..

seeing him on facebook with his status online is unbearable..

its like sitting in a room but not talk..




6 more days to go... i will survive.. its like singlehood all over again! yay......not.

if you love him let him go..

we didnt argue..

nothing happen...

its just that the silly boy is very indecisive with his thought and he think he is troubling me... by not giving me definite answers...



the cliche thing we always say is: its me, not you...

this time its not..

this time its him and not me.. haha...

i asked for a time out.. i told him to think it through.. i mean after all he is still young, well, younger than me by a couple of months but everyone knows im like some 400 year old vampire so... whatever la...

ive known people who take a month off kinda thing, that sounds like a break up to me lol, but the thing is we are never together anyway so there isnt a break to happen...



if he is mine, he will come back to me..

if he is not then.... not lor.. i will be fine in the end..

haha..

its only for a week..

so.... its not so bad..

so we shall see, i really wanna know what happens after a week..

cant wait !!

everybardy lesss kip hour thingers crust!!!! keep our fingers crossed! lol hahahaha...

Dear tuls,...

Dear tuls,

How are you? I write to seek your advice in how you survive in this industry in UK? I have been using the app to search for friends and all, but most of the time, I ended up getting rejected. Is it because I am an Asian? I am a Chinese by the way. Any kind words? :(

Thank you,
Zodiac

i wrote an essay in reply to his question, haha, not sure whether was he shocked or not but basically the following are kinda the points I covered:

1. There are 3 types of white guys around here
- asian lovers
- asian haters
- neutral

there arent much rice queens in UK, well, at least not that i know of.. ive known people who likes asians as they grow older.. haha.. not to generalize but lots of asian lovers are old men... lol.. i dont know how the age and race kinda have a relation in a way but thats just my observation ba..

lets put asian lovers age below 30 : above 30 approximately 1 : 7 ish i guess. hahahaa.. thats my assumption.. im not gonna elaborate further but yea...

2. I touched on the APP

when he say App i assume he means Grindr Jackd Hornet Scruff BoyAHoy etc and it all boils down to one word! SEX! hahahahaha

well dont get me wrong, i met my bubu from Axcest, a gay "dating" website thing with no deep description of each other but just enough for us to meet up and the rest was history.. i mean the possibilty is there but to find someone who doesnt want to get into your pant whether the front or back is kinda difficult.. haha.. at least not on those apps..

when he said getting rejected, i kinda asked him in what sense, later that he said that rejected before even meeting up or something, i mean there you go, prove my point, personal preference, some people just dont really like asians, not for sex, not for friends, nothing! i mean if you have to work with one then that one you cant really do much but some people just dont really like us? lol hahahahaha....

in the end i think i kinda just told him to go slow and dont rush into things...

got no friends then make blogger friends lor.. go contact all the BLOGGGERS in the world.. im sure they will be glad to make a new friend! haha.. unless the quota sudah FULLLLLL! lol..




its nice to know that there are readers in the UK that came from home.. haha.. it make you feel like the world is so small kinda thing! :)

this is my second dear tuls.. so cool la... i want lots and lots of dear tuls!! lalalalala....

im having an exam this thursday! everyone pray for me to pass k.. any God also can... i dont mind one.. hahahahahaha...

xo

i'm an addict... and it killed me inside out...

i didnt know it could be that bad..

i thought it was normal.. i thought it was ok...

but it got worse...



for the past month i was constantly tired and weak... during the day, at work, back from work and night... practically i was feeling that way the whole time..

it started off as a routine.. but it got worse..

i wasnt focused, i wasnt doing anything beneficial, i was really wasting a lot of time, and a lot of energy.. i even fall sick at one point...

i only spend 4 hours to sleep each night where it could have been twice the amount...

yesterday was the worst, i didnt sleep at all...

when i finish and wants to sleep the sun is already hanging up high and i just realize ive got an appointment that morning...

my heart was aching from all those hours of not sleeping, my face looks like crap, my body went out of shape, my eyes looks terrible...

basically im a wreck...

i can control it, i can avoid it.. but im addicted to it..


when the night finally kick in, i slept a good whole 10 hours...

today im feeling so so good, my eyes were not shutting at all when i was at work, im not yawning, i feel so spirited, so energetic, i feel so alive...

i feel like a whole new person...






but the time of night is here again...

its is now..

9.20pm..

my hand is going down into my pants...

but my mind says you better not touch it or else you will regret it...


masturbation is good for you...

do it excessively and you will waste all your time on it..

i edge for 7 hours on sunday morning and the outcome was good, the splash was good, i gave it a score of 12/10....

i lost all my sleep..

i lost my time..

i lost my life...

i have no energy...

no mood..

and no everything... .....not even a morning erection..



i hope i can overcome this...

no one can help me but myself...