t u l s

t u l s

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Past relationships... First Boyfriend : BabyZ (Part 4)

we had a share of public sex all over town, not caught of course. The experiences were heart-pounding both physically and mentally. sex is fun if both parties are honest and true to each other. you can feel the sincerity when you make love. You will know if its a revenge sex or breakup sex. The emotions, the thrust, the feelings they are all different.

Things started to fall apart shortly after 2 years in the relationship.

He started making new friends. I mean friends come and go for all of us and it should be deeply encouraged anyway. Peer influences on the other hand, should be cautioned at all times. I see babyZ started to go to temple more and more often with his new found friends. They were obviously very religious in a way. Thats fine. I even stop eating beef the whole time i was with him anyway. Sacrifices are needed in a relationship, it happens. I mean i respect his culture. He doesnt mind me eating it but i kinda chose to anyway.

What irks me the most is after two years into the relationship he kinda ask me to be a buddhist. If you love me, then be a buddhist, we can pray together, we can go to temple together, I will introduce you to my new friends. Those were the exact words he said. Hm.... Well that was quite annoying. I mean I do go to the temple with him like every special occasion if he wants to. I believe in God but I dont really believe in religion, knowing that and yet he still wants me to join is just.... how should i put it, inconsiderate? I mean come on, we have been together for 2 years, there wasn't a problem in terms of our faith 2 years back anyway. Why now?

Obviously I hold on to my grounds and principle and said no. That kinda build some tension between us.

Then comes my birthday. Obviously he got me a present. I know in the western part of the world you would open the present there and then but I was being Asian and kept the present and opened it at home after our "celebration". Well it was just a dinner as he has some "stuffs" to do after that. Seems like I wasnt the most important thing in his life anymore then. ha. whatever.

Anyway I opened the present and guess what! :) It was an FCUK shirt. First glance was like, oK. Good la. I dont have one anyway, I mean all my life Ive been working since 16 and I wont even get me anything more expensive than a TOPMAN whatever anyway so that was like kinda a great deal in a way then. Then as i look at it again, that shirt was kinda off in a sense. I looked again and found that the FCUK stitching was really sucky and that some of the thread were out. I was like hey, this is not right. haha. my heart was kinda itchy already.  Then as i checked again, i found a hole at one of the underarms. I was pissed. Being me, I just smiled it away. I called my bestie and told him about it la. Well, bitchy ma. So he said that I should talk to babyZ about it and maybe ask him to get it changed la. Fine. I called.

Hey baby, I got something to tell you..

yea what?

Well, the shirt you gave me...Yea? some of the thread is out...oh....and there is a hole near the pits there...



ok my heart is itchy already... i had to ask...

where did you buy it from?

i got it when i went to the trip in Jakarta with my family...

oh... ok...

well in my mind, the refund or exchange is out of the question already.. but i still dont really feel comfortable...

erm... but like where did you get it from?what? like is it original?

i had to ask.

why are you asking me this? why are you questioning my sincerity?

omgosh.. i think i hang up one or two lines after that. i dont remember what i said after that line. I was so so so angry.

first of all, its a birthday present.

second of all, im not questioning his sincerity because if he was sincere he would have checked the product before buying. clearly he didnt. and to be honest it feels like a fake, i mean, hey, im not judging, i wore pasar malam clothes before, really whatever, but like seriously that line pissed me off..

the tension grew even bigger after that... i think i disregard the shirt and kinda forget about it and assume that it didnt happen..

following that, we went out one weekend to 1U, the tension is clearly still there. At times there were total silence and it was quite awkward and weird in a way. it was about 5-6 years ago and i dont think i can remember what or how did the conversation started but until the day i die i will always remember what he said that day: if you dont want to date me, there is a whole line of guys waiting to do so..

i dont really see the point of doing that. trying to flaunt his popularity? hm.... humans changes over time.

a few days later after that i dont think i can take anymore of the nonsense anymore. There were so many so many minor details in the past that wasnt an issue but because of all the collective recent happenings, it kinda contributed a little to the decision of breaking up with babyZ.

This relationship ended after 2 and a half years.


  1. 'if you dont want to date me, there is a whole line of guys waiting to do so..'

    Haha, which brings me back to the question I asked earlier, like how hot is he? Does he even gym? Do people actually say that hahahaha... Just shows how insecure and needy he is for attention.... And if he were a changed person, like a really dedicated Buddhist, or whatever, he probably wouldn't or shouldn't have said that right?

    If I were you, I would have replied right there and then 'Wow... Well then I should just stuff a radish up your ass, considering you're such a dedicated Buddhist, I'll spare you the meat... Oh wait, I can't...... It seems like your head is already way up your own ass'

    1. Haha... He is cute and handsomeish la :) a little short for my taste but then I love him so much nothing really matters :) people change with time and environment la I guess so .... I can't really change him or anything :) it's his choice or words and action.. So let it be lor.. And moreover it's 7 years ago haha....

  2. Reading from how it started to how it ended. As a reader, thx for not putting too much emotion in this post, becos you can de if you want, but it will be too heart breaking to read if you do. Even this one give me some feeling of despair.

    1. Hahaha... It's just an outline la :) it would be beneficial to read all these later in life la, minor details I know then cukup la.. Well, there will be lots of people in life that we will meet :) just take it as a life lesson lor ... No regrets :)

  3. Well, a Buddhist won't actually insist someone to become a Buddhist, we never force people and it is all 随缘. I guess it is really hard for someone to maintain in their first and only relationship, especially gays. Never like breakups stories, just so heart breaking T.T

    1. Buddhist or not, all religion only hope that we do good in life :) maybe he doesn't really understand what he was doing back then la ... Maybe he needs a devoted religious person to be with ?? Maybe he realised after that gua. Breakup stories are not always bad la. Some times we can learn from it and try to better yourself in the next relationship lo whether you're in the right or wrong it doesn't really matter la :)

    2. waaa... why u suddenly sound so mature and wise? lol! so different from the usual full of nonsense tuls that i know...


    3. Lol. I'm always wise and mature :) blonde and dumb is just a choice :) lol see you soon... I'm going to sg tomorrow :)

  4. " if you dont want to date me, there is a whole line of guys waiting to do so"

    he definitely never loved you,if he did, he surely wouldn't have said such a thing, in fact, there is no such word as "loved", love has no past tense, if you ever stop loving someone, then you never truly loved them in the first place....love is unconditional, it's a beautiful feeling that comes from the depths of a soul, the feeling to protect and care for someone whom you think you belong to, if it's the other was around, like you think they belong to you alone, that isn't love, it's conditioned, there's no ego in true love and it gives full freedom, and above all, it's also selfless sacrifice...

    true love, is something rare, but those who had experienced it, will definitely get a glimpse of heaven....

    1. what you say is true la. he is still young then naive i guess. thoughts are not matured enough. let it be la. it was a good 2 years and its all that matters.

      it seems like you have experienced it to know what youre writing. well hopefully i will get to read it one day if you have not written it already! :)

  5. I think he said things even he himself might have regretted when he thinks about it now. When one is young(er), one usually says things without proper thinking. But anyway what's said was said and what's done was done. Whether your experience was good or bad, it helped to made you who you are today. Be glad that it happened as it's usually a blessing in disguise. (;