Dear tuls...

I'm 20. I have a bf who is much older than me. We've been together for almost a year now. Things are starting to slow down. I feel like we don't connect the way we use to when we first started. He doesn't reply my text even though he has read it. He blocked his last seen so no one knows when he was last online. Clearly it had 2 blue ticks indicating that he read it. When I call, he doesn't answer, he doesn't even call me back. This happened countless of times and I'm starting to feel the pain. 

We both work and sometimes for really long hours. We don't stay together and that really makes meeting up very hard. We try to meet up as much as we could but sometimes we only meet once a week even though we both live in KL. 

There's a lot going on in my life right now. I just want him, i just need him, to be there for me, and make everything else go away. But now, I'm really tired. 

There's this one time where I thought he was flirting with another guy. I confronted him. Only to find out that the guy was a close friend and those were just harmless gestures and conversation. I know I'm jealous. I can't help it. I know it is wrong. But... We..... There's isn't much flirting going round when we first started. Not to say that he is incapable, but I just never get it from him. Is it wrong for me to feel jealous? 

We argue every now and then. ...What should I do? I reflect on my actions. I just couldn't control myself and sometimes I just cry for hours. 

I think I broke his trust. Not to say he doesn't love me. We do love each other. But I think I need to trust him more. But all these slow text and calls and replies are making me go crazy. I feel like if I'm in an accident and I reach out to him, I would have bled to death when he finally calls me back. 

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You are very young. You want excitement. You feed on it. You want attention. You want passion. It's normal. Sometimes when a partner do not give you what you crave, well, it could be dangerous in the relationship. You will source it from somewhere else, well that's the bad part. The good part is you guys are argueing. I'm guessing that you guys do talk about your frustration that led to the arguement. Good thing. It kinda still mean that you want all the above from him. You don't go and get it somewhere else!...

I don't know how old is he but I'm guessing he is an old sloth. He had went through many of these kinda situation and maybe he is immuned to all these. Well I guess the only way to tackle these kinda sloth is to be the bigger person. Some sloths are just useless in changing their habits. But what can you do? You have fallen for a sloth. Not to say you need to accept it. But, trying looking at the bigger picture.

He is not cheating on you. He is just a little slower in replying. Ok. Maybe a lot slower. But in the end, he still comes back to you. It is not easy to find a guy who loves you and is loyal! I'm assuming he is.

It seems like you have trust issues. All young bloods do. And when i say young blood, it doesn't correlate with age. More on experience. Anyway... you just need to understand. Your bf might be in a time where he is focusing much more in career advancement than a relationship. Or maybe he is facing mid life crisis. Or quarter mid life or whatever crisis you can think of.  But saying that, he still met you and you guys work a relationship out regardless.

I think, just from your story, there are priority issues. Your next conversation with him, maybe you can try talking about priorities. Don't lash it out asking him where do you stand. Maybe trying asking him his priorities in life, what he wants, where he wants to go, what are his goals, and what he wants in the future and does his future has you in it.

If you can see the future with him and so does he, then I think a little sloth is worth the wait. You need to see the bigger picture. Maybe you are too young to see it but if you don't try, you won't know.

I hope it helps. Nothing is easy in life. You just need to make the best out of what you have and what is given to you.

p.s. Dont overthink. It doesn't do you any good.

xo
tuls